Promiscuity linked to emotional damage
Sexual immorality and other vices are a deep seated problem Dr Gure says its a sign of loneliness and low self esteem
Having multiple concurrent sexual partners is common but frowned upon on moral grounds. Yet experts say it is more of an emotional and psychological problem that stems from deep-seated loneliness and insecurity.
Multiple concurrent affairs have contributed to social problems such as crimes of passion, gender-based violence, STI/HIV infection, unplanned pregnancies, substance abuse and depression.
At the heart of this problem, is a yearning for affirmation and love.
Medical doctor Dr. Gure Gure says having multiple sexual partners is often a sign of loneliness and low self-esteem in both men and women. “Men who enjoy having multiple lovers are insecure because the deep longing of a man is to be respected and to be told he is the best. “Men who didn’t get enough love from their parents, particularly their mother, tend to want to prove a point and make their presence known. “Contrary to popular belief that a man with many partners shows confidence; it’s just insecurities… He wants different voices that validate him”. Gure says multiple lovers or promiscuity in women is often a sign of neglect.
“Most ladies who have multiple sex partners have a history of being abandoned by fathers, or their parents passing on or divorcing or separating. “They were never positively affirmed so they sleep with different men to get their attention but they become vulnerable and easily lured. “Another cause of promiscuity among women is hyper sexuality after sexual trauma. It can be destructive for women to engage in sex early: the dopamine addiction can lead to them wanting to experience that sexual moment over again”. Gure says many people try to solve a soul problem physically, through sex, but it never works as it creates a vicious cycle and before long the person has slept with many people yet deep down, what they truly yearn for is unconditional love. His sentiments were reiterated by psychologist Tshenolo Keokame, who said some people carry unresolved childhood issues into adulthood which can harm their relationships and marriages, and lead to moral decay and the breakdown of the family unit.
“Some people engage in destructive behaviour to make up for the lack of attention and love from their childhood. Some individuals are never satisfied because their need to sleep with many people does come from a feeble attempt to fill an emotional void. “That is why a man can look at a woman and feel a sense of achievement to sleep with her… It is a temporary ego boost that makes him feel good about himself.
“The dangerous thing about this is that it creates a vicious cycle of sexual conquests but the person remains miserable and unhappy because affairs and flings are not fulfilling”.
Keokame advises parents to give their children sufficient attention and love from home so that they don’t look in the wrong places. “Spend time with your children and understand them. Show them love; give them hugs and kiss them, and strive to meet their needs. “Tell them nice things and remind them that they are worthy. Children should be positively affirmed from childhood or else they grow up to be adults with a low self-esteem”. He says having the ‘birds and the bees’ talk with children is also important, to equip them with empowering information on sexuality. A report by Prof. Deirdre Lee Fitzgerald of Connecticut State University indicates that having multiple lovers can also threaten longevity.
It says that having a large number of sexual partners has been linked to poor sexual health, and that the more sexual partners one has, the greater risk of sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV/AIDS, and other life-threatening conditions such as prostate cancer, oral cancer and cervical cancer.
“Promiscuity is one example of a class of high-risk behaviours that is comparable to heavy drinking, gambling, and other thrill-seeking behaviours like speeding”.