On cheating, politics and the delusion of “marriage wrecking”
I recently came across an amusing yet pitiful newspaper story about a man seeking ‘marriage wrecking’ compensation, claiming that the man that his woman had been cheating with left her “open.” O e ngadile mfana… a re ga e sa tlhole e tshwana le lantlha. Tlerere!
Apart from trying to score easy money from his love rival, he is probably hurt and won’t accept that she might just belong to the streets. Ke di fro tsa ba ma ‘bad-bad’… Ba tla lo hurda!
No one is perfect, but due to cultural and social constructs, women are generally judged more harshly for cheating. A man can go on a conquest prowl and cheat as he pleases at work, bars, in the neighbourhood, next-door etc, but once a woman cheats, she is vilified and deemed a harlot. It also often creates trouble as trust is broken. It is a knock to a man’s ego to be with a woman who he knows has been sampled by another man right under his nose, even if he himself cheats. Men are biologically entitled and selfish. Fa o bona monna a nna le mosadi a mo tsietsa, o itse hela gore o gabile sengwe, kana o ineetse; it is a case of: “better the devil you know.”
It’s common knowledge that some men have affairs with married women but they don’t respect or care about them. Banna kana bone ba ipatlela mmele hela. Le tse dingwe hela tse ba di batlang. Meanwhile, elsewhere, he probably has a loyal and committed woman wa leitlho la nonyane who he is protective over, and he will always go back to her, leaving the side-dish to her husband who will be left ka masalela. It is rare for a man to settle for a woman who cheated on another man with him. Do you really think that there is a normal man who would wholeheartedly love and commit to a woman who he knows cheats? Men think in terms of: “If she could cheat on him, then she will cheat on me too.” Most men value loyalty.
It is what it is.
We cannot govern people’s behaviour and bedroom shenanigans, particularly those who have chosen to lead morally bankrupt lifestyles; but considering that cheating is a choice, we should do away with the notion of ‘marriage wrecking’ because it is outdated and irrelevant. No one “steals” your man or woman. Trouble starts when one or both entertain third parties. The recurring problem is that some people want to be married yet act single. But you can’t always have your cake and eat it…
It’s a pity that cheating has become so normalised in society that some people act like loyalty is an achievement when it should be standard. After all, happy people don’t cheat. Fa go le monate ko lapeng, ga o kake wa kgatlhegakgatlhega kontle, because o a itse gore ko lapeng o a go fitlhela mogopo o tletse.
The flipside is that cheating is not always premised on love and fornication. Some people cheat for other reasons…
I am reminded of a popular Gabs story about a man who is said to have hooked up with one lady from around the city. The chap was loaded and drove a top-of-the-range German sedan. He told the lady that he had something important to tell her. She was startled, wondering what he had to say. The man confessed to her: “Ke
nyetse.” The lady laughed dismissively and casually responded: “Shee… o bua dinyana. Nna ne ke tshogile ke ithaya ke re o tla re koloi e ga se ya gago!”