The magnetic power of pornography

If you didn’t read last week’s column, hard luck because that would have been a good beginning for you in order for you to understand the flow of thought

today. We may start by asking the question ‘Where did it all begin?’ You need to understand that a man’s lust, masturbation and use of pornography did not begin when you ‘gained weight’ or ‘lost interest’ in sexual intimacy. It did not begin because your husband is visual and sexually hardwired. Women are sexually hardwired as well and are increasingly becoming addicted to pornography. Both men and women propel the porn industry and some may argue that it is propelled more by one than the other, depending on one’s perceptions and observations.

Before you met your husband his lust for porn looking had probably begun at an early age, depending on his exposure to the media. Pornography is nowadays more accessible than ever, but the problem has become more extensive due to what has always been hidden inside each of us. The drive to ‘look’ is not an overpowering sex drive or an addiction to sex, but an overpowering, demanding, selfish desire. Pornography, with its inherent ability to be secretive and easy accessibility, uniquely meets that demand. The essence of your husband’s condition is an unwillingness to be told what to do mentally, spiritually, relationally, and sexually. He requires a change of mind, not just a change in behaviour. What you believe determines how you behave. Pornography is a belief system that a person entertains in his mental lifestyle. The brain becomes programmed to certain stimuli that evoke particular responses. It is possible for a couple to have sex twice a day, but a man would still be lusting over other women if his selfish demand is out of control. Some people think that frequent sexual intimacy will stop a man from indulging in pornography or adultery, but frequency is never the real issue. Rather, it is a lack of meaningful desire for mature mental, spiritual, relational, and sexual intimacy submitted to the supremacy of Christ over every selfish demand of our sinful nature. The major enemy we are contending with here is the desires of a lower nature. That is what needs to be put under control. Marital unfaithfulness is always a relational event between you and God, and between God and your husband. Heart change is required to move from false intimacy to real intimacy with you! This is the change that will give you a new husband. He has to bring his sexual desires under new management. He has to renew his mind and this is a process. Notice that I am focusing on the perpetrator and not the victim here. Often women tend to blame themselves for the errors of their husbands in such matters. There is absolutely no excuse for any one indulging in pornography. Such indulgence is a choice that one makes. People are never forced into pornography. It is actually a series of choices that lead to the indulgence. It can be stopped!