Help children grief in times of death in the family

Grief is a response to any kind of loss and can be experienced through different stages including denial, blame, depression, aggression and acceptance. Founder of the Seeds of Awee Recovery (SOAR), Gaone Diteko told The Midweek Sun in an interview that these are very strong emotions even for an adult, and can be significantly overwhelming for a child who barely has life experiences and skills to help them cope. According to Diteko, due to the Covid-19 pandemic, children are not only losing their parents but they are also losing their teachers thereby experiencing grief at home and at school. The organisation realised that the focus on Covid-19 is on adults, because it affects them more physically. “We have neglected the psychological effect it has on children. To fill this gap we have introduced an online groupcounselling programme. Parents or guardians can enrol children who are grieving,” she said. Through this group, children have an opportunity to process their emotions in a healthy way. Research shows that children who do not learn how to process emotions are more likely to engage in substance use or suicide as a way of coping. The platform also allows them to meet other children who are going through the same, thus eliminating the thought that they are alone. Diteko said that some of the parents who joined the programme report having tried to counsel their children on their own, but ended up doing more harm. She advised that in cases where children have to move and live with relatives as a result of the loss of their parents, the whole family has to go for counselling to transition smoothly. She explained that introducing a new person into the family set up is never easy.

In her view, a social worker can also be involved to ensure smooth transition“If you look at the society, child grief is an unknown phenomenon. The norm is that,”ke moila gore ngwana a tle losong. Ke moila go bua ka leso mo lwapeng. Death is kept a secret from children. But children who do not grief in a healthy way are more likely to experience emotional and psychological problems when they grow up. Now with the Covid-19 pandemic, there is no way death can be kept a secret and spare children the agony of grieving,” Diteko said. Diteko counselled that a young child that is able to notice that there is a change, and a family member has been lost, should be given attention. She added that parents often do not realise this in children during the time of mourning. She advised that this is the time to look out for abnormal behaviour, because children might express emotions in the way parents do not expect them to. “For example, a parent might think that a child is misbehaving. But to a professional through interventions like play therapy, it can be determined that the child is in the anger stage of their emotions.”While Diteko acknowledges that losing a loved one is not easy for anyone, she however encourages members of the public to adopt coping mechanisms such as moving from mourning to celebrating the lives they have lost.