Take control
to really acknowledge their contribution and thank them from the bottom of my heart.
WHY DO YOU THINK IT IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR US TO TRY TO WORK ON OUR SEX LIVES? LIKE, WHY IS A GOOD SEX LIFE SOMETHING THAT IS WORTH DEDICATING ATTENTION TO?
According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), “sexual health is a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.” You work on other parts of your health and invest in them, so why not your sexual health? There is a study that demonstrated that sexuality issues were amongst the top 5 courses of divorce. Maybe this can address it if we discuss intimacy including physical intimacy before committing to a relationship and during a relationship. And not just in a relationship but even when solo.
WHEN SOMEONE ASKS WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING, DOES IT CAUSE ANY AWKWARDNESS ON YOUR PART (CONSIDERING WE ARE SUPPOSEDLY A CONSERVATIVE SOCIETY)?
Not really, it’s a natural thing, and it’s so broad, and it’s always an opportunity to educate. And like I said, it’s rarely about the sex itself. The sex tends to be a symptom of other things. It’s something that I am passionate about. And my audience do tend to be on a mature side; 30s and above. Gape ke Mokgatla(I am also a Mokgatla), and we are naturally outspoken people. There are some sexuality books that actually refer to us (Bakgatla women), even in regard to our approach to sexual relationships.
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE COMMON ISSUES (FOR BOTH MEN AND WOMEN) THAT YOU’VE HEARD OVER AND OVER AGAIN?
-For men its erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. It’s interesting how common erectile dysfunction is in the young population in Botswana. It would be nice to do a study on that to see if it’s really as common as it seems. -For women it’s mostly orgasmic issues -For couples it’s desire mismatch with touch aversion
ARE PEOPLE OPEN AND FREE WHEN THEY COME TO GET YOUR SERVICES, OR YOU FIND YOU HAVE TO REALLY DIG TO GET WHAT THEIR ISSUES ARE?
I think most times what people are looking for is permission. To understand that it’s ok to ask for help and ok not to have all the answers. I believe one of the biggest challenges in sexology is, because we have sex, we believe that we should be experts and as such we shouldn’t have issues and concerns which is where at times the issues begins. So far, the people are quite open, though in certain areas one might have to dig. And also understanding that they are in a safe space that is free from judgement.
Continues next week