ABSENT FATHERS
Father absence negatively affects child’s development
Individuals can simply make a casual plea such as “a re dire ngwana,” as if they are going to make a rag doll without physical, spiritual, emotional, and psychological needs.
The common view that suggests that children belong to their maternal family, often interpreted in Setswana as “ngwana o mogolo kwa gaabo mogolo” has to a great extent influenced the way most men relate with their children.
According to the former President of Tatitown Customary Court, Ludo Mosojane, the majority of children born out of wedlock use their mother’s surname and that is a departure point that gives the mother ownership and also loosens the bond on the father’s side.
She said there has been a social shift that has altered perceptions on reproductive health. Some of these issues include the impact of cohabitation on family relationships, long courtship, divorce, and casual childbearing patterns.
“We live in an age where individuals can simply make a casual plea such as as “are dire ngwana,” (let’s make a baby) as if they are going to make a rag doll without physical, spiritual, emotional, and psychological needs.
“In my opinion, it is like the sanctity of human life has been reduced or discounted by the decisions we attach to child-rearing,” Mosojane said.
Mosojane added that some fathers enter into relationships with good intentions to marry and for some reason, the relationship sours and they simply take their jacket and move on without even considering the plight of the children.
“Upon confrontation, they feel comfortable to say ‘ga kea nyala mmaabo’ (I’m not married to the child’s mother). I wonder to what extent such men are enlightened concerning the Children Act of 2009 or just the natural responsibilities of parents towards their children.”
She noted that equally true is the fact that young women feel burdened by a courtship that goes on forever and when they meet a man who wants to make a serious commitment they do not consider the children who are about to lose their biological father.
Her view is that the tragedy is that tribal leaders have not come to a point of acknowledging that these social patterns do impact families and distort the moral fibre of communities, in addition to negatively affecting the rights of the young and vulnerable children.
The most disturbing thing, she said, is that society has failed to put a finger on the social pulse of emerging issues.
“Many youths are extremely angry because of the absence of a father they had bonded with and nobody explained why he had to abandon them.”
Another category of absent fathers is those who simply planted seeds and disappeared. Mosojane said one of the things she did while still at the Kgotla, was to help children connect with their absent fathers.
Although a handful of fathers were delighted to receive a call that their long-abandoned child is looking for them, not because of any need but just to reconnect, she noted that she was shocked by the responses of some of the fathers who would simply say, “nna ke nyetse o batla engmo go nna?” Mosojane says statements like these revealed the emerging attitude towards fatherhood.
Founder and Director at Post Natal Mental Health Society of Botswana, Portia Keatametse, said there are a lot of negative outcomes as a result of absent fathers, which in turn leads to mental health issues. Some children end up performing badly at school and they usually tend to be less vocal about matters affecting them.
Keatametse said that some children cannot socialise well with others and they mostly develop poor communication skills. On a more comprehensive note, they develop depression as they see the parent’s absence through other fellow students who have present fathers.
“This creates a void which leads to feelings of intense anxiety and depression. Most of them end up as criminals who hurt women in the case of males. They have anger and frustration which came as a result of an absent father and are trying to express it in a negative way,” said Keatametse.
Keatametse added that absent fathers also play a big role in how children later become in life. For instance, female children can turn out to be promiscuous because it is like they are trying to fill the love gap of their absent fathers with other men.