PAIN OF MISGENDERING:
People urged not to assume someone’s gender identity
The frequent use of pronouns makes them powerful identity markers especially for trans and non-binary individuals. And one of the terrors unleashed when coming out as trans, according to Cassim Junior Cassim, is the issue of mis-gendering.
“It is crucial that people understand the importance of using correct pronouns, and not just assume someone’s gender identity”, the 22-year-old International Business student at the University of Botswana, as well as Editor-in-Chief and Creative Director at Setabane.com. said.
Growing up, Cassim never had an inclination to come out.
“It wasn’t a default or a necessity for me, like a curse every queer person has to live with. I was furnished as a more femme presenting person so no one had to ask because they already knew, including family”.
Cassim uses the pronouns she or they. She has had a lot of experience where people mis-gender her because she is physically what is deemed to be male. According to Cassim, stuttering or mis-gendering someone can happen in two ways - when they have no clue what your gender identity is and mis-gender you. She says in this case, you can then introduce yourself with your pronoun and they can correct themselves using your correct pronouns. Secondly, they could misgender you and even after correction they continue to mis-gender you, which could indicate lack of respect.
A person’s pronouns are the thirdperson singular pronouns that they would like others to use for them. Personal pronouns are used to convey a person’s gender identity and don’t necessarily align with the sex a person was assigned at birth.
The most common third-person singular pronouns are ‘she/her/hers’ and ‘he/him/his’. ‘They/them’ can also be used to refer to a single person, while some people use gender-neutral or gender-inclusive pronouns like ‘ze/ hir’ (pronounced zee/here) or even ‘it’ instead.
And ever since ‘establishing’ to the world that she was attracted to men, Cassim says she has pondered over the idea of gender identity a lot.
“I morphed from being a cisgendered gay male to gender fluid to a queer trans femme non-binary person. I’m pretty much a walking conspiracy theory of extreme liberalism and an antithesis of African Tradition”, she shared in an interview.
“I am a walking target for homophobia and transphobia. However, building my identity to please myself has led to me unknowingly constructing a platform for other gender-queer people in Botswana. “For me when someone
actually uses my correct pronouns, there is this euphoria I feel. It affirms my sense of self. I feel seen, I feel respected, I feel good that at least people see me for who I am,” she said.
“But being mis-gendered trivialises my existence and deflates my selfesteem and everything I have worked for to make me feel like myself.
Cisgendered individuals - those whose gender identity corresponds with the sex they were identified as having at birth, do not know the negative implications of mis-gendering because it does
not affect them personally, Cassim says.
“They affix themselves to this ideology or a misconception that queer people are sensitive. But mis-gendering feels like your self-worth and self-value are being stepped on and you feel ostracised by everyone, creating a ripple effect that leads from Gender Dysphoria to maybe even suicide.”
In fact, a study from the Journal of Adolescent Health shows that in transgender youth, using correct pronouns and names reduces depression and suicide risks.
“Because Cis-het people are privileged enough, blessed with social security because they are not queer, they must protect their fellow queer friends, help educate the ignorant and stubborn, fight the phobics and destroy stigmatism towards the gender-queer community.
“The first step is to understand all identities through the use of pronouns, do not be afraid to stutter, be afraid to lose an individual simply because you lacked respect to use the correct pronouns,” Cassim said.