NO FEAR OF HIV
Non-condomising young women more fearful of pregnancy ‘Empower young women to negotiate condom use’
It was not for lack of information that Boikobo Kenosi got infected with HIV as a teenager. “I knew it could happen if I didn’t use protection, but I was afraid to insist on condom use because I didn’t want to lose my boyfriend at the time. He was the first man I was ever with and he is the one who introduced me to the world of relationships and sex,” Kenosi shared recently.
Even today, the 41-year-old tells The Midweek Sun that she comes across both young and elderly women who are afraid to assert themselves when it comes to using protection during sex because they feel they may disappoint the other person and lose them.
If anything, she says, most women particularly young girls, are mostly afraid of getting pregnant and disappointing their parents than contracting HIV. That was the case with her as well.
The HIV and sexual health activist who has been living with
HIV for over 20 years, had just finished her Form 5 when a teacher she was dating infected her with HIV/AIDS. “I was a virgin and because he was older and a teacher, I naively trusted him. I’m from a generation that really respected and looked up to teachers, I never imagined he could cause me harm in any way. “And so with HIV, I knew it was there. In fact it was at a time when the fear, discrimination and stigma of HIV were very high.
It was called ‘phamokate’ and ‘segajaja.’ But even then it never occurred to me that I could get it. It was absolutely the last thing on my mind,” she said. Two years after engaging in the sexual relationship with the teacher, Kenosi got pregnant and was tested for HIV.
Not only did he abandon her during her time of need, but she also found him in bed with another woman when she went to his house to tell him the news of her HIV test. “Even after that, I still stayed with him because I was scared of rejection, stigma and discrimination from others. I thought just as well because my life is over.” Kenosi’s story is a reality for many young people especially women in Southern Africa region. According to the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) in Botswana, young people aged 15 to 24 years account for a third of new HIV infections (34 percent) and of these, more than two thirds (69 percent) occur among young women; with at least 61 young women aged 15 to 24 years getting newly infected each week. Instead of feeling defeated however, Kenosi decided to turn a bad situation into a positive one. She not only shares her story and educates the nation about HIV and sexual health issues, but she is also a big advocate of selflove and acceptance. “Counseling after finding out one’s status only works if one is also actively fighting for oneself. This includes loving and accepting oneself .” From her experience working with people, Kenosi has realised that Batswana have a low morale when it comes to relationships.
“People don’t believe in true love, people are heartbroken and sadly bitter. People don’t take time to heal from broken relationships and have built a false idea about sex and love. I have noticed that people are hungry for sex, with anyone at anytime. “We need a mindset change for the nation to truly transform and reduce the rate of infection,” she said. It is important, she added, to empower young girls to know that their lives are in their hands and they should not gamble with them for anyone.
“Love yourself, know yourself and most importantly be yourself. Have an understanding of what you want from life. If you love yourself then you won’t hurt yourself or put yourself in situations where you are not appreciated or valued. “The beautiful thing about being human is that each day you wake up to a new day and an opportunity to try again. Never stop trying, never stop believing in your dreams. Learn to live with HIV, understand it, understand ARVs and you will see that to be alive is great,” Kenosi said.