How to heal from pornographic betrayal
When dealing with the question of porn you would have to come to a point where you ask the pertinent question, where do you go from this point? Now that you have discovered that your husband is viewing porn, what do you do?
In which direction do you move as you seek to resolve the issues that comprise this major dilemma and how do you bring closure to it? Once again let me say that this also is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight nor does it just go away on its own or as a result of a verbal apology.
The critical question about trust comes to mind. Will it be possible to ever trust your husband again? In most cases, once trust is broken it is very extremely difficult to restore it to normal levels. The relationship will never be the same again. As much as you may want to trust him, the suspicion of a possible recurrence always lurks in the back of your mind.
This is where the marvelous grace of God comes into play. He alone can make it possible. When the marriage covenant is broken by infidelity, the most important preparation for moving ahead starts with the offended person! Think of your situation as lifting a 160kg husband when you are a 90kg wife. Your 160kg husband has collapsed and you are alone with him. You have to lift him into the car all by yourself and rush him to hospital. This is your life and your marriage, but most importantly, this is your sinful husband’s life hanging in the balance. Do you just leave him to die or do you take him to where he can get help?
Your pain may obscure your judgement in times like these. But remember that pain is an appointment with God so that he can do his deepest work in you, your husband, and in your marriage relationship for his glory.
We often feel insecure when things get out of control, but this fragile moment in life forces us to face reality about God and ourselves. The truth is, you cannot get through life without pain, and you cannot make it out alive. Certainty is a myth! So, you resort to so-called solutions such as crawling under the blankets and never getting out of bed, become depressed and dependent on medication for stability, become a social recluse and even hit back by also indulging in pornography. Alternatively, you can choose to develop the biblical attribute of godly steadfastness and endurance. You will never be certain of what comes next, but you can learn to always be certain of God in your future. God reigns; not chance!
In all my experience in counseling and in searching Scripture, I am convinced that all unfaithfulness is a testing of faith, and pain is an appointment with God. Should it happen? Certainly not! Does it happen? Yes! You have to depend on God or else your life will fall apart.