Your wife needs your closeness

Why do most marriages lack excitement within the first two to three years? The answer may vary. When a man reaches out to his wife by giving, this begins to replenish her energy. When you touch her without expectation that you will end up between the sheets, she will feel much more secure with you and much more open to sexual intimacy later on.

But when you offer her touch that you think will move into the sexual intimacy zone, you could drain her spirit and put her into a negative mindset because if your wife is like most women, she spends her day meeting other people’s needs – giving, giving, and giving! This is tiring and draining for her. When her husband comes home and wants more from her she does not have anything to give. She is running on empty. And that means sex is not going to happen for some time.

Your wife needs you to be a safe and non-threatening place for her. Nonsexual touch refuels her energy and creates that place of safety. Yes, she really does want to meet your sexual needs, but she needs time to refuel. You can help her do that through tender affection without any hint of you wanting sexual intimacy. Your wife needs your closeness, your nonsexual approach that communicates genuine caring. Here are six ways to show her you love her in a nonsexual way. I have taken these suggestions from Dr Gary and Barbara Rosberg’s book entitled The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women:

Touch her arm or knee when you talk with her. Your gentle touch communicates, “I am here…You are not alone…I enjoy you… I wll take care of you.”

Make an effort to spend time alone together – go out for dinner, for a walk, or out for coffee. Show her (and others) that you enjoy the intimacy of being alone with her. Grab her hand and hold it when you are out in public.

Give her a kiss and a hug when you leave and return home.

Don’t see every complaint as an attack. Women think as long as they feel the marriage is working, they can talk about it. On the other hand, most men feel the relationship is not working if they have to talk about it. Allow her to express what is on her mind.

Recognise her strong emotions as exclamation marks. When she is upset, angry, or frustrated, realise that these emotions are her way of letting you know how much the issue at hand matters to her. The Bible says that “love does not demand its own way.” You can love your wife by putting aside your own needs, by not demanding your own way, and by serving her through nonsexual touch.

This may require much discipline from you as a man.

Maybe you are used to having your own way. Understand that for a woman great sex happens in the context of being held, laughing together, feeling accepted and sharing feelings.