CHAINED MINDS
‘Broke women never leave abusive relationships’ Dr Paula Financial dependency fuels GBV
Many of the Gender-Based Violence (GBV) cases in Botswana are caused by financial instability; awardwinning GBV activist, author and motivational speaker, Dr Paula Otukile has said.
Paula has written three books on GBV: ‘Overcoming Failure,’ ‘Because I love him’ and a children’s book called ‘Thato wishes to be a butterfly.’
These have been translated into Tsonga, Setswana, Portuguese, Spanish, Romanian, and Swahili. She recently won the 2023 Best African Author award at the Shining Star awards in South Africa.
Dr Paula told The Midweek Sun that financial strain always keeps women in abusive relationships.
“Some women often get into relationships without being financially stable and it has proven that finances are a major catalyst that fuel abuse on women and children, in-fact abuse in general is much worse on women who are not working or those fully dependent on their partners,” Paula said.
Some marriages, she said, look peaceful from a distance, yet a vast majority of couples experience serious attacks of GBV and only a small percentage report the abuse, with some women defending the perpetrators and blaming themselves for the abuse.
According to Dr Paula, some marriages are encountering lots of challenges because of finances. She urged activists to avail more safe shelters to temporarily accommodate victims as abused and dependent women often retract their statement due to fear of losing a breadwinner.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) statistics, 85 percent of women who leave an abusive relationship return, and a significant proportion of women who return to the relationship attribute their inability to deal with their finances as a major contributing factor.
This is often enhanced by the fact that the abuser usually has all of the economic and social standing and complete control over the family finances.
In her consistent fight against GBV, Dr Otukile was sponsored by German Embassy last year, to support her GBV campaign in 12 schools across the country, donating her children’s book and raising awareness on GBV.
“The fight against GBV is for us all. I receive so much support in fighting the abuse, because currently, International Unitarian funding programme based in the United States of America has powered my ongoing school campaigns to continue for a year again,” Dr Otukile said.
She said Botswana is experiencing an increase in the cases of GBV and that some women and children are having a hard time finding peace in their homes.
“GBV occurs anywhere, in the
workplace, at home, in the streets, at school, and in some churches. GBV happens to the rich, the poor but it seems the marginalised communities experience greater incidents of GBV,” Dr Paula observed.
The Midweek Sun also carried a voxpopuli, to find out why women choose to stay in abusive relationships.
Women said that majority of domestic violence victims remain silent and never speak out, because they fear being judged and pressured by others.
Aasadi Rampedi (42) from Mochudi believes that some women stay in abusive relationships to satisfy their children.
“I once stayed in an abusive relationship because I wanted my sons to have a father, over time the abuse got out of hand and I left,” she revealed.
Jamel Sekate (36) of Lobatse, believes that financial constraints may force women to stay in abusive relationships. According to Sekate, some women stay in these relationships to live a comfortable life.
“In a situation like this, unemployed women have no option but stay, so they continue to depend on their abusive partners,” she said.
A majority of the women said they choose to stay in abusive relationships or marriages to avoid living in poverty.
“Most of these men are financially stable, by choosing to leave, they will automatically stop giving us money,” 28-year-old Khumo Khudireng from Jwaneng, said.