BORN TO SUFFER
Of a drug muled pregnant mother and her prison child Motswana man on death row after killing his children’s mother Children now at SOS Village and traumatised by the experience
No amount of pain can equal that of a new mother being separated from her child, or having one’s child being raised by someone else while one is locked up behind bars.
It sucks the life out of any loving parent.
It does not matter the circumstances that could have landed the parent in jail, yes the guilty have to pay for their crimes, but the punishment is usually served in double portions when an expectant mother is sentenced. The mother is separated from her child after birth and the child gets raised by family, friends or where there is no one to take up the parenting role, the child is sent to orphanages. And while the mother is left with scars of not knowing what is happening with her child, such a child equally lives a painful life once it realises that its parent is in jail.
Such children often label themselves - criminal children – based on what they would have heard about their parents on the streets. For young children such realisations can be destructive to their future, they mostly grow up with anger issues and often turn rebellious. Without sugar coating anything, children need to be assisted with the pain of not having their parents raise them and accepting that it is not their fault that their parents are in jail. In the worst case scenario, children can self-harm if the scars are left unattended for prolonged periods. This is because they mostly feel unwanted and that they have no sense of belonging. They judge every little detail about their life and assume that they are a burden to those taking care of them.
Felicia Goosen (28) who is daughter to former Miss South Africa finalist knows the pain well. Her Mother, Vanessa Goosen, spent 16 and a half years in Thailand prison. He mother gave birth to her in jail and her mother’s friend had to take her. When sharing her story with thousands of women who attended the South African Women In Dialogue annual conference recently, Felicia said she tried to commit suicide more than eight times. She battled with selfidentity, she could not understand why she was coffee colour in complexion while the woman said to be her mother (Vanessa) and the woman taking care of her were light skinned. “I would stay indoors and scrub myself very hard
trying to change my skin colour. It was very bad,” she said.
Narrating what had happened that led to her arrest, Vanessa explained that she was only 21 years old when she went to Thailand in 1994 to buy clothes for re-selling because she was into fashion and owned a boutique.
Whilst in Thailand, one of her clients in South Africa but originating from Thailand asked that she bring him books from his brother.
She got the books and all her bags then rushed to the airport. When she was getting searched, the police found 1.7kg of heroine laced inside the books she was carrying. “It was a traumatic experience because there was a language
barrier. They spoke Thai language and I spoke English. I only realised the amount of trouble I was in when I saw a poster written ‘heroine, death,’” Vanessa said.
It did not help that at the time, she was three months pregnant and it was a great struggle to convince authorities that she was pregnant.
Vanessa was taken to court and eventually sentenced to death. She appealed the sentence and it got reduced to life in prison. She was pardoned after repeated attempts of writing to the King of Thailand asking for leniency.
Vanessa shared that Felicia was taken away from her at age three. According to Thailand laws, she was not supposed to be with Felicia beyond age three. She recalled how she cried at the thought of separating with her child but she had to be strong for her. “I remember how I sat her down and told her that she would be going to South Africa. She was a prison child who knew nothing about the outside world, spoke fluent Thai, so it was very difficult to explain to her that she would be sleeping on a bed when she had never seen a bed before. “But somehow she agreed to go but on the day she was supposed to go she changed her mind and said ‘I am not leaving you.’ At that moment I did not know what to do, I needed some kind of miracle and it happened, she stood up and said ‘I will go but only if you promise to come soon,’” Vanessa said. She added that it was painful for her because she did not know if she would ever go home. But in the year 2010, Vanessa walked out of prison to find her daughter a disturbed teenager. Their relationship was very rocky as they tried to find each other as mother and daughter. Now they are both motivational speakers and have written two separate books, Vanessa’s book is titled ‘Drug Muled’ while Felicia’s book is titled ‘Prison Child.’ They say they always make efforts to share their stories to many women out there as prison mother and prison child.
Vanessa and her daughter’s story touched the hearts of many women. Some wept and even confessed that they had no relationships or whatsoever with their parents.
One Zimbabwean lady burst into tears before sharing that her mother is in prison and every time she tries to visit her she gets overwhelmed by emotions. She does not know how to accept that her mother is in jail.
“Give it time, and face whatever pain you feel, be brutal and honest about how you feel because if you keep making excuses, you will remain in denial. Talk about everything and decide if it’s something to forgive or not, confront your pain and that is how you will find healing,” Vanessa advised.
In Botswana, such cases exist as currently there is a case of children who are at SOS Children’s Village because their father murdered their mother, with the living parent in jail.
According to SOS Children Villages Botswana National Director Motshwari Kitso, the father is on death row and the children are having a hard time accepting that their mother is dead and the only parent left will be hanged. “Such cases exist in Botswana, it is not easy to deal with children whose parents are in prison, it is traumatic for them even during visitation, the parents come dressed in orange prison overalls and that on its own traumatises children. “Others are able to tell that such child is of a prisoner, it crashes children’s self-esteem sometimes,” Kitso said, adding that it is one of the reasons why they always have psychological support for all children.