VALENTINE PRESSURE When lovers look a gift horse in the mouth
Wednesday is Valentine’s Day - a day in which majority of those who are love struck will be going all out to make the day extra special for their better halves. It is a day usually celebrated by wearing red clothing, a touch of roses and petals accompanied by goodies such as chocolates and other snacks.
It is a time when lovers get excited and spend lavishly on candle lit dinners and outings - a day some use to gauge how much their partners love them. It is also a day many relationships usually end, or begin to end, as some partners would be feeling unloved should they not be showered with the kind of gifts they see others receive. Over the years, some men especially, have been dumped on the day for buying gifts deemed to be not up to the standard set by the partner - and this is what some relationship counsellors find worrying.
President of Botswana Counselling Association, also Director of Thuso Wellness Counselling Clinic, Thuso Molefe observes that Valentine has been commercialised a lot because most lovers have put a price tag on it.
Most businesses make a killing on the day because majority are under pressure to impress. There is a lot of pressure that comes with Valentine’s Day and this leaves some with feelings of inadequacy in their relationships.
Because of the hype around the day, some lovers have genuine expectation that their partners need to shower them with gifts and when that does not happen, Valentine’s day turns sour, this can create feelings of stress and anxiety.
Social media also adds salt to injury. There will be jokes circulating that a woman who has never received flowers from a man is like a frying pan, those might seem like harmless jokes but they register in the minds of some lovers.
This is how women tend to believe that men need to buy them certain things to prove that they love them, Molefe says this is wrong, that love is not in material things.
Molefe says love cannot be measured by what happens on Valentine’s day, love should be celebrated every day. There is nothing wrong with going an extra mile on the day but couples should not only wait for February 14th to show each other affection.
Expensive gifts such as buying your partner a car or a plot in the suburbs are not measures of love; those can still be done in the absence of love.
This is why those who do not have money should stop worrying; Valentine can still be celebrated at home without spending a lot of money.
“There is nothing wrong with making a home cooked meal for your partner, cook dumplings and morogo wa Setswana for them. Gift them a stone you love, just sharing what that stone means to you is enough to show that you love them. You can also send a simple text to them reminding them that you love them,” Molefe advises.
He went on to say couples should also understand that communication is key - there are those partners
who do not see the need to celebrate Valentine’s day and their partners should be understanding to their feelings.
“In such situations, partners should compromise and meet each other half way. The day is not all bad because it gives lovers a chance to talk, get intimate and even create stronger bonds.”