PARENT ABUSE?
Should persons aged 30+ still live with parents?
Some parents are finding it difficult to parent their children, adolescents, as well as adult children, Jo Speaks, an organisation that prides itself in restoring human dignity, has observed. It is for this reason that this year, they have lined up three major events, two of which are dedicated to helping parents cope.
According to Jo Speaks Director, Dr Kgomotso Jongman, a social worker by profession and lecturer at the University of Botswana, a disturbing trend is emerging where parents are struggling to raise their children.
His organisation has put together a Parental Retreat, which will be taking place for the third time this year. This Retreat was prompted by the outcry by parents who increasingly feel overwhelmed by challenges of parenting.
“Parents are dealing with difficult adult children who believe that they are adults themselves and can no longer be controlled by their parents, though they still live at home,” he said.
He added that the situation has been exacerbated by the fact that youth unemployment is high in Botswana, causing parents to cramp up with their adult children of up to over 30 years in their homes. It is a delicate situation where parents have to contend with the fact that as 30-year-olds still inside their homes, the children want to be treated as adults who have adult desires and responsibilities and not be sent around on errands and house chores usually assigned teenagers. “In some instances, a conflict can ensue when an adult son insists that he wants to bring his girlfriend into the home against his parents’ rule. Parents cannot keep up with their adult children,” Dr Jongman, said. He added that these are real issues that many families in Botswana are dealing with. Such adult children can even engage in other activities like smoking and drinking that their parents might not approve of, but just because they are adults themselves they get away with it, causing great distress to their parents and strained relations. Dr Jongman says some parents are struggling with raising their GenZ children – those aged from 12 to 27.
“This is the most problematic generation that we struggle with in both homes and workplaces because they often question the way things are and challenge the status quo,” he said, adding that drug abuse which has penetrated both schools and homes has made the challenge worse. The Parental Retreat which is scheduled for the weekend of June 21 to 23 at the Mankgodi Retreat
Centre will allow parents to reflect, introspect and refresh their minds, as well as sharpen their parenting skills. The Retreat will offer a comprehensive programme laden with activities. The workshop is themed, ‘Navigating Parenthood: Supporting Teens and Adult Children.’ Topics lined up for the Retreat include: Understanding Adolescents and Young Adults, where parents will be supported to recognise and embrace the unique needs of teenagers and adult children. According to Dr Jongman, they will also delve on Communication and Conflict Resolution, further interrogating the importance of effective communication with teenagers and adult children, strategies for navigating conflicts, setting boundaries, and promoting mutual respect, and addressing generational gaps and fostering open dialogue.
He has observed that most parents deal with issues emotionally instead of rationally. “And this is what children do not want. If you raise your voice and vent, they close up and become rather militant,” he said. He noted that this is the generation that is highly competitive, but lacks resilience. “This is the group which is highly susceptible to depression,” Dr Jongman said, further adding that when dealing with this group as a parent, it is important to remain calm and composed in order to get through to them. During the retreat, parents will discuss independence and responsibility, where parents will be assisted to encourage independence of their children while maintaining a supportive role as a parent. They will also be empowered to support their children’s transition into adulthood. He told The Midweek Sun that issues of Mental Health and Well-being cannot be divorced from parenting. Parents will be taken through Understanding the mental health challenges often faced by teenagers and young adults, Strategies for addressing stress, anxiety, and mental well-being within the family, as well as Guidance on seeking professional help and supporting children through mental health concerns. The workshop aims to empower parents with insights, tools, and a supportive community to navigate the complexities of parenting teenagers and adult children, fostering stronger relationships and supporting their children’s journey into independence. Other topics will include; Relationship Dynamics, Academic and Career Support; Parental Selfcare and Well-being. Jo Speaks will also host the Character Building Conference, which is in its sixth year this year. This one is for both parents and children, as well as other stakeholders that often deal with children one way or the other including youth practitioners. This conference is also in recognition of the fact that there is a gap between children, youth and parents, guardians and caregivers. It is scheduled for July 8 to 9. The third engagement is the Mindpower Enhancement Seminar, which generally targets organisations and is scheduled for July 21. The Seminar will have international transformational speakers who will speak of
mindset change.