How to achieve better results for your marriage
Your marriage is in deep waters. Trouble looms over your marriage to the man or woman you have loved so dearly. You honestly thought that things would work out well, but you are experiencing the opposite of bliss and glamour. You are irritable and frustrated with your spouse. You have searched for solutions and things are still not working out well. You are at your wits end. You have run out of ideas and options. You are now on the verge of wanting out. Is that the answer to your troubles? Divorce is never the answer. So count that option out. Let us consider a reasonable course of action. Here are a few ideas which I would offer you.
Firstly, you must stop fighting each other. While you fight with each other you erode the fibre of your marriage, and energies cannot be used to do effective problem-solving. Instead, valuable energies are being used to drive you further apart. Every couple is well-advised not to fight each other, but rather to attempt finding a common problem they agree upon to address.
Secondly, each must look closely at your own issues. Put aside your pride and look closely at yourself to see if there are signs of depression. For men, your irritability is a classic symptom of male depression, and you must step back long enough to consider the possibility that depression is part of the issue. Depression will only drag you downwards and you will not make any progress towards maturity. Remember, your children are watching you. What are they learning from you? Recognise that you could be damaging their self-esteem while you pursue your selfish interests.
Thirdly, you need to recognise that criticising your spouse will not be effective in solving problems. You must stop judging his behaviour, and speak from your feelings. You can share your concern, but don’t label his behaviour. As a wife, you can voice your frustration over his irritability and anger, but you must do better at specifically identifying concerns. For example, set boundaries about him ‘blowing up’ at you, or swearing when angry. Let him know you miss spending quality time with him and invite him to go away with you for a refreshing retreat. On the other hand, the husband needs to learn to yield to his wife’s suggestion; it is a brilliant one! Finally, both of you must agree to stop picking on each other and focus on specific areas of concern. You both need to recognise that this is likely to be a volatile topic hence you must approach the issues gently, possibly with professional support. As with other issues, if it proves too sensitive to tackle alone, don’t be afraid to seek professional assistance.
Do you believe your mate suffers from depression? Use the ‘gentle inquisitiveness’ approach whereby you attempt to encourage meaningful conversation on the topic. Take care to come from a position of constructive intent, not criticism. The conversation will flow much more smoothly and you will definitely accomplish better results for your valuable marriage.