Rebuilding trust in the wake of infidelity

I chose to write on this subject because our society is slowly disintegrating due to unfaithfulness in marriage. Many young people are now questioning the validity of marriage and whether it is necessary for them to take this step of their lives. When unfaithfulness destroys a marriage, it is very difficult to rebuild the trust that has been broken. e betrayed spouse is shattered and sees no immediate solution as he or she is clouded with mistrust, anger, confusion and even bitterness. Rebuilding trust is an essential part of healing after infidelity because a healthy marriage requires trust.

Make a choice to rebuild the trust. I know you will say, “It is easier said than done”. But if your marriage is not worth fighting for then it was not worth entering into. You need to redefine what trust looks like in a healthy marriage. Be careful not to be deceived by the many notions in society about rebuilding trust. I have heard people say how they do not care about a cheating spouse as long as they are getting their share.

at is weird and senseless thinking.

You cannot rebuild trust in a marriage by controlling your spouse. Let us start with a biblical understanding of trust. e Hebrew and Greek translations of “trust” means: to believe, to uphold, to support. e idea is firmness or solidity; to be persuaded to have confidence in. We feel safe when we can rely on what we trust. A plastic chair on a smooth-tiled floor will do splits eventually. So when we trust, we are saying that we have been firmly persuaded to believe. We choose a specific chair to stand on because we trust it will hold our weight. When we trust our spouse, we believe this person will do what they say they will do and not do what they say they will not do.

Adultery reveals a lying lifestyle and breeds mistrust. Up until the adulterous affair, trust is apparently there - but then it is utterly destroyed when the adultery is exposed. Rebuilding the trust means you have to find a way back to believing with confidence that your spouse is trustworthy. It also means being put in a position where the cheater could, again, cause hurt. e truth is that our God is the only one who is completely trustworthy. He is the only one who will always keep His promises.

e foundation we rebuild on will be the foundation intended for marriage and that is God Himself. at foundation is sound because God is trustworthy. We rebuild the trust as if we were rebuilding a house. The most essential piece in this rebuilding is transparent honesty. Honesty enables each of us to see the other’s heart and paves the way for a comfortable journey.