Of Emotional Abuse & Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Part 6)

The journey on some of the traits that may reinforce our susceptibility to narcissists worthily continues.

It is worth reiterating that, this sequel is not designed to shame/blame victims of narcissism; its rationale is to shed light on various human characteristics that could strengthen the hold of narcissism on its victims. It is forestalled that once light is shed on some of these traits the hold of narcissism will in all likelihood lose its grip on its casualties.

Projecting our own goodness on others – an ordinary mortal who daily strives to live a morally upright life albeit their human fallibilities may be prone to projecting their own goodness and sense of morality on others.

Projecting our goodness on others can be a great thing if the people we deem noble are really as noble as we deem them to be or more noble than we deem them to be. However, this becomes problematic when we are dealing with narcissists.

Whenever we project the virtuousness of humanity on this kind, they exploit our kindness to our detriment and for their own narcissistic supply.

Having boundless empathy – Empathy is a great tool that simplifies our interactions with others. It enables us/others to swim in the waters that drowned others/us before we/they draw a conclusion about them/us. It is through the employment of empathy that we understand others and feel understood by them. Nonetheless, empathy becomes cantankerous for our personal wellbeing if it is expended to justify abuse or narcissism. The bounds of healthy empathy end where abuse begins. When our empathy to narcissists is limitless we tend to seek to rescue them from the pit of narcissism whilst we sink in the sorrows of their abuse. Contrariwise, if our empathy has boundaries we are most likely to unearth viable solutions to escape from narcissistic abuse.

Having unconditional faith in people – Unconditional faith in our loved ones can be a magical power that propels them to rise from the ashes of mediocrity to sounder heights of distinction. Notwithstanding, unconditional faith in people is cancerous to our souls if it hinders us from asserting our freedom from narcissism or any form of abuse. The parameters of our interactive unconditional faith in others terminate where our absolute belief in them infringes upon our human rights, liberty and freedom.

Lack of knowledge on narcissism and toxic personalities - Conventional wisdom dictates that a person of knowledge increases strength. When we are well versed on narcissists and toxic personalities in general we may be more mentally and emotionally strengthened to spot signs of such at the inception of romance. If the narcissist veiled their toxicity at the genesis of the relationship, it may be unfussy to depart from the relationship once we are armed with knowledge about this kind.

Believing that you are unlovable – Freedom of association is a pointer to our ‘loveliness, lovableness and relational potential’. We are inherently love – filled and lovable by virtue of being. Nonetheless, if we do not learn how to self-partner and tap into our inner love and ‘loveliness’, we subconsciously partner with others romantically or otherwise to furnish us with the very love we ought to derive from ‘self, which heightens our chances of abuse. A line of demarcation ought to be drawn between self-love and love from others. Bona fide self-love authorises us to love ourselves in the absence of love from persons; it also aids us to receive love from others from a satiated soul that is adroitly positioned to distinguish healthy love from toxic love. On the other hand the absence of self-love thrusts us to hate ourselves and receive love from a famished soul where we are desperate to embrace anything that has the exterior of love (even if it is toxic) in a bid to feed our very hunger stricken souls.

It is our legitimate expectation that some of the traits which compound our vulnerability to narcissists elucidated in this piece and the former have fairly illuminated the mental and emotional faculties of any victim or potential victim of narcissism. The forthcoming article will be on effects on narcissistic abuse on its sufferers.

• Gaone Monau is a Practicing attorney and Motivational speaker. For bookings on gender based violence awareness seminars, motivational talks or consultations on rELAtIonsHIps, ConfiDEnCE BuILDInG, stress management and self-discovery contact +26774542732 or gpmonau@ gmail.com. Her Facebook page is Be Motivated with Gaone.

This article was co – authored in conjunction with Tsholofelo Kgwalabatlhe, a narcissist survivor, Psychologist, Founder and Director of Explore Consults Pty Ltd- a company that offers counselling, psychotherapy, workshops, trainings and assessments. Her Facebook page is Explore Life with Tsholo. For bookings/appointments contact 73015012