Peace-what we yearn for, in and beyond breath
Iam a 21-year-old Zimbabwean young man. I currently live in Botswana and I flee my home country due to the ill-treatment I received from my fellow countrymen. I grew up from a poor background, to an extent that my parents could not afford to take me to school. I ended up being taken care by a mere stranger who eventually became an enemy. I left home at the age of 16, and at 19, my good Samaritan, my hero, started to molest me. This is a situation I have never thought I could succumb to for it persisted for a long time. After finishing my Form 5, I tried to escape to the army.
I had thought my nightmares were over, but landed under my molester’s command. When he summoned me to his office, I knew that the past I have been trying to run away from, has found me and it is part of me forever. I absconded the camp and I flee to Botswana so that I stay as far as I possibly can from my oppressors. I am working as a herdsman currently in the Boteti settlements. Even though I am world apart with my filthy past, I relive the hurt each time I think of the pain I endured. I have absolutely no peace with my past and I do not know how to get over it, please advise Coach. Yours,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry that you had to flee your land of birth in a quest to escape from your oppressor, moreover, that they have stolen your future from you, that is, you leaving your job and now work in the most remote area ever. The things that befall us cannot and will never be undone. They are what they are and all that matters the most is how we deal with them so that they do not affect us mentally, physically, psychologically or/and spiritually. How we perceive and respond to the situation when it is exposed to our attention, especially as a thought.
I will encourage you to write down the date which that devilish deed occurred to you, what you felt during and after the experience. Furthermore, write down what you can change about the situation.
Once you have gathered your honest answers, review them and come to terms with the facts dominating the predicament. Acceptance is the best medicine and once you accept that nothing can ever be reversed and that date has passed, you will realise a new one as it dawns our lives daily.
In your situation, I believe that there is purpose underlying the entire experience. You will never identify the purpose it unleashed until you accept and acknowledge the occurrence of the matter.
Once you have settled on the matter, you will no longer feel the burden shed by the issue and you shall own your story. You need to also perceive yourself as an “overcomer” because you have always decided to live despite the pain associated with the issue. The thing is that you are missing out on many opportunities because we only focus on the hurt side instead of what lesson have we derived from the matter. I wish you full recovery from your past and I hope you will notice that you are your worst enemy by not letting go of the past to hold and hug your better future.
#ColoringSouls
Dear Coach,
I am in some dire pain and it seems to exacerbate each second of time. I have recently lost my young and biological brother during the beginning of this year. My father had also departed earth and left my mother, my three siblings and I. My mother got married a few years later after my father’s death. My young siblings were then forced to change their surnames from our mother’s maiden to the new marriage name. I did not agree with it since we do not belong there.
Our father did not abandon us, he simply died, while on a process to marry our mother. I knew that all I know and grew up to was going to be lost once I affirm to change my last name.
I have a problem with what is currently transpiring with the death of my brother. I do not want him to be buried in a land we do not know and funeral arrangements are done by the people I barely know. My pain is amplified by his death and that he will not be buried in his native land. What can I do to stop all of this fiasco because I want my brother to rest in peace.
Yours,
Anonymous
Afore and above all, my sincerest condolences to you and your family. I hope God would give you the strength to lay him to rest. Anyway, you story is one of the most difficult ones since consultation is the most key element during the process of marriage. Both parties discuss matters of child adoption, financial wellbeing, just to name a few. The process of changing last names is therefore a consultative procedure which involves parents from both partners. Children who are below the custody of parents unfortunately are never consulted but rather decisions are made for themselves; something similar to your situation. Once all consultative aspects are touched and agreed by both families, they are legalised hence the change of name which is done after completing specific documents of the government. There is nothing that can be done for now but peace is needed by you, your family even the deceased, so it would be best to put our differences away and work collectively to ensure a dignified burial for our loved one. You can go back and negotiate with your mother about our other siblings so that what happened does not repeat itself in the future. May your brother’s soul rest in eternal peace. #ColoringSouls
*Kealeboga Ronald Ngwigwa is a Life Coach, Author, Columnist, Team Builder and an Events Director who believes that emotions build an attitude which ultimately builds one’s character. Forward your enquiries to krcoloringsouls@gmail.com or
+26772522213 for advices.
This is a repeat
Acceptance is the best medicine and once you accept that nothing can ever be reversed and that date
has passed