Contentment: a bubble that shields unnecessary stupidity
Dear Coach,
Ihave four siblings and I am the last born. Our first born is quite some work, I mean, real handy. He is 39-years-old and very frustrated. He is the only one amongst us who has not been to varsity but has always been an entrepreneur. He has owned so many businesses which kept on failing because he is too materialistic than possessing a growth mindset.
I have recently graduated top of my class and I immediately got head-hunted by one of the biggest telecommunication firms in the country and they are paying me pretty well. I have recently bought a house in a great neighbourhood. Moreover, a car of my dreams, a Toyota Hilux GD6 version. I took it home to show them the car but I noticed that my elder brother was not happy with it at all. He did not congratulate me like others did. Instead, he walked away.
I have acknowledged that it is how he is. A couples of weeks later, he came to our home village on a Hilux GD6, which is the same colour as mine. I am so happy for him but I understand that he used the tender mobilisationn money that was billed for the tender he has been awarded of computer supplies, which means the funds he got, were misused. Word from the grapevine is that he will never be displaced by a young boy like me. I feel that this is destroying him and his future because he loses trust from his key contractors since he fails to deliver on time and sometimes nothing at all. I feel that he is childish and he must grow from that kind of attitude. His behaviour bring animosity amongst us yet we were bred out of love.
What should I really do Coach so that I curb that spirit of competition and belittling amongst us?
Yours,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Congratulations afore on all on your accomplishments. You have worked so hard and you deserve such a lifestyle. It is unfortunate that now your success is rubbing off the wrong way on others especially your siblings. One will expect full support and love from the same not the other way round.
You were born to love, celebrate and encourage one another so that each one of you can find courage to realise their dreams and inspire the next. When we compete, the atmosphere changes all together and that opens a window for witchcraft. Competition makes you to be more stupid and thus the decisions one makes are of no value but exposes one to nothing but failure. He lost his focus and hit the wrong target simply because his emotions led him astray.
He lacks contentment. When you lack contentment, you will do anything possible to try prove that you are the best you are certainly not. We must understand that life unfolds differently for each other and therefore we achieve things all at different stages. You cannot confront him and surely get a proper response but you can ask one of your siblings to speak to him on your behalf. It must be clear that you are not in any way competing with him nor are you trying to make anyone inferior. He will always remain your brother but he should not go to an extent of misusing his opportunities. Surely, he could have bought the car after completing his tender. Jealousy will not take us anywhere but rather to doom. But I will urge you to keep on smashing every goal you aspire to live; no one should limit you with their misfiring emotions.
#ColoringSouls
Dear Coach,
I have made a serious blunder Coach! I wonder what I was thinking. I got overwhelmed by a feeling of always appearing so below my friends and I always feel so beneath everyone. I am a 26-year-old young man who graduated last amongst my peers. In fact, three years later than the time we were ought to graduate. At the time, some of my friends were already working and living the life we all dreamt of. They would organise crossboarder trips and go enjoy themselves and I could not because I could not afford to participate since I was a student.
It really hit me so hard that my progress was often delayed. Fast forward, I managed to graduate and it also took me a year to find a proper job. After being employed, I visited one bank and requested for a loan and I bought an expensive car so that my friends could feel my presence too. With the surplus I had from the loan, I threw a big party so that I show my boys that I am also here.
A few months down the line, I had an accident with the same car and unfortunately I did not procure any insurance for it. It became so tough for me to repair it and ultimately I sold it for less than a quarter of what I purchased it with. Ever since, my finances have been terrible and I have grown to be a tenant to a stressful life. I owe everyone because I wanted to keep up appearances and stay relevant with my crew. This life is so killing me
Coach. Honestly, I am suffocating, please liberate me Coach!
Yours,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry about what you are going through and as hard as it may be, a bitter pill to swallow, it is a learning curve. You are where you are because you clearly did not have a specific goal or lifestyle you were gunning for. Instead, your target was on others who unfortunately have their eyes on their own prizes.
It is important to always be mindful of where you are from because it surely should guide you of where you can go. Things might have been slow for you and you also needed to be slow with things like loans until you were certain about them. A lot of us live to amuse other people and we compromise ourselves beyond measure. The car was not necessary and it has no value to validate your worth but your character does.
We can never attach our character to materialistic items. Character is character and it is what friends should adhere to, nothing beyond that.
I will advise you to stop living the life you do not afford and focus on repaying your loan until you have access to more finance and clear off your debts. You also have to make a repayment plan with those that you owe and commit to it. You must be as honest as possible to yourself because if not, everything will come to bite you back. You must learn to be content in your situation but not too comfortable in it. You are still young and can turn things around and be financially responsible. This is just a learning curve you must utmost embrace. All the best my dear friend.
#ColoringSouls
Kealeboga Ronald Ngwigwa is the Founder and Director of Coloring Souls Coaching. A Training Consultancy advocating for MIND-SET CHANGE. It is accredited by BQA and HRDC. For team building exercise bookings contact +267 72 522 213/ +267 71 830 584 or email kealebogan@coloringsouls.co.bw for quotations.
When we compete, the atmosphere changes all together and that opens a window for witchcraft