Dad’s change of heart
e aho s- ing to become the only man in existence who looks cool driving a Toyota Sienna. But this sentiment from my father was a drastic disruption of a life I had always known. In my 36 years of existence, my parents have never saidsai “I love you” to me or vice versa. We are not an “I love you” family. YearsY ago, my mother t told me “I love you” w was for “Amreekan “Amreekans” and goras (white peo people), which at the tim time were synonymous onymous, until they realised South Asians a and other immig immigrants had every right t to claim the American label as w well. On Faceboo Facebook, I asked if other children of immigrants, who are now parents, have witnessed a similar transformation. My college friend Hooma Multani said some of us were used to a “Klingon-type way of displaying affection” and d said her Pakistani father used to pat them em on the back really hard instead off dispensing hugs and kisses. “Unconditional itional love” for some of my friendsds was as mythical as wearing shoes in the house or talking back to elders. There was always ways an understanding that love ove was based on achievinging good grades and behavhaving properly.
Many of us grew up p with chappal – sandal al – diplomacy. If you messed essed up, you would “eat” the he chappal or be threatened with eating the chappal. Yet here’s my father scolding me on FaceTime for using a firm voice with my son, who was running around naked throwing Lego pieces in the air. I was thinking about all this recently as I was opening my Ramadan fast with a few friends, all children of immigrants, who are now parents. We were trading stories about how our parents have mellowed with age. None of us had ever told our parents “I I lovelo you.” None of us had ever heard it from them. I came home and called my fa father. I asked him why he never said it. He reas reasoned you don’t hav have to say it to show it. It’s t true, and my privilege leged life and upbringing were a testament to that that. “Sometimes people say it so much that it s sounds hypocritic cal,” he said. “It b becomes just words, and words do don’t mean anything.” But some words dod have meaning. They can and should be given out freely. And it’s a sentiment that makes for a pretty economical gift. I know what I’ll try saying for the first time when I talk to my dad on Father’s Day.