Your daily dose of freak
“Hermaphroditic cat to get gender assignment surgery — Newfoundland family got a surprise when they took their new pet Mittens to a vet.” That was the top story on the CBC Newfoundland and Labrador website on Wednesday.
OK — I understand that the CBC has to keep up with other news organizations that look more like freak shows than anything else.
And it’s not only the hermaphroditic cat that’s confused: clearly, faced with the circus that is the Internet, news organizations no longer really know what news is — or else they’ve decided that the trivial sells.
Years ago, editors and executive producers always tried to have a “Hey, Martha” story in their newscasts and papers: something curious or different to make readers or viewers sit up and take notice. But now, curiosities often dominate news feeds.
Here’s a sample of headlines from the National Post for just one day in December.
“‘ That man lied’: Discovery’s ‘Eaten Alive’ guy isn’t actually eaten alive by giant snake — and viewers are furious.”
“‘Calgary’s worst driver?’ Police ticket woman who hit car while struggling to get out of half-empty lot.”
“Elton John falls off chair at tennis event; social media whoops it up to ‘ Vine of the year.’”
“William and Kate meet King James and hip-hop royalty — Beyonce and Jay-Z — at Nets game.”
“Victoria’s new mayor refuses to swear oath to Queen Elizabeth II — enraging city’s monarchists.”
“The sexual assault overcorrection: how college efforts to protect women have infringed on men’s civil rights.”
“Russell Crowe pines for Newfoundland friends on Twitter while touring province alone.”
“Life-sized scarecrows outnumber the living three-to-one in small village in rural Japan.”
“How will the world end? From demonic AI to nuclear war — seven scenarios that could end human race.”
“‘Does Santa Exist?’ Author delves deep into the season’s greatest question.”
“Justin Bieber’s gone blond: new hairstyle sees pop star go platinum in search of ‘more fun.’” You get the point. You can also see how it happens: web pages like Yahoo and MSN.com obviously can’t bring anything like local news to the breadth of their readership: instead, they try to lure the most number of eyes with curiosities like (today): “Kate Middleton reveals graying hair and tired look while out shopping in London” and “33 photos so painfully awkward that you can actually feel it.”
And — wait for it — Mittens the hermaphroditic cat made it onto the Yahoo news feed minutes after the CBCran the story. (Mittens is also running on sites from israelforeignaffairs.com to inagist.com and far beyond.)
And I know, in the media, we’re all guilty of trying to keep up with the Joneses — and that, if my newspaper had found Mittens first, we would have run it big, too.
But here’s a simple question: once you and your coworkers have made the rounds talking about Mittens — or Tuesday’s now-meaningless hit, what does it matter? (Chances are you won’t remember it until I tell you — I know I couldn’t remember it until I looked it up. It was the British child given an invoice for failing to attend another child’s birthday party.)
Maybe I’m just a grumpy old newsman. Wait — no maybes about it. I am a grumpy old newsman.
But I hope there’s more to the business than the latest titillation.
Because really — how different is hyping a hermaphroditic cat from carnival shows that offered “Lobster Boy” Grady Stiles or “Elephant Man” Joseph Merrick?
Truth is, not very much.