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Deep End readers have spoken. National Peanut Butter Day should be a holiday!
Last week, I asked people to email me and declare that Jan. 24 be declared a national holiday.
You never know how such a campaign will be go over, but this one was met with open jars.
Word spread like peanut butter and jammed my inbox with messages from people who felt PB should be celebrated, people under the spell cast by the Amazing Mumford, “A la peanut sandwiches!”
Here’s some of what the people of peanut butter said ...
“For me, every day is peanut butter day … make that at least three times a day. It can be enjoyed at EVERY meal. How do I like it best? Make that CRUNCHY with the biggest spoon that will fit in the bottle,” wrote a woman in Prince Edward Island. “I just checked my peanut butter stock and I have only seven bottles on my storage shelf. How about you? I must limit the number of Crunchy I buy because I am helpless to limit my intake of it” (We have two jars in our cupboard.)
“Of course, it should be a holiday! Have you tried making your sandwich and then dipping it in egg and frying it like French toast?” asked a St. John’s teacher. (I haven’t tried this, but will very soon.)
A reader from parts unknown said, “So true, isn’t it! When you go to the fridge/cupboard, and you know you want something but nothing appeals to you. Then, like finding a candy in the cupboard, it hits you, ‘Oh, peanut butter will do it!’ My husband is also a big fan of PB. If I had a dollar for every time I find a spoon in the sink with remnants of PB, I would be rich!”
PRO TIP: To avoid having to clean peanut butter off utensils, lick the knife or spoon clean when no one is watching. Be careful with the knife because peanut butter-related injuries are hard to explain.
Of course, not everyone appreciated the effort to give peanut butter the status it deserves.
“Gee an almost 50-year-old who has given up on weight loss and physical fitness as they are too hard,” wrote one person. “Instead, you continue to write silly personal columns that espouse the virtues of indulging in peanut butter and macaroni and cheese. With leadership like yours, we should expect our youth to “grow” in the image of Steve. Grow up (intellectually that is)!”
And he wasn’t finished there. “PS. I read a few of your columns when I have been bad and need to be punished, but they are not only a break from the serious side of life, they are a waste of space.”
I penciled him in as undecided and thought of a joke in one of my son’s 2,345 shark books.
“What kind of sandwiches do sharks eat? Peanut butter and jellyfish.”
Sorry, and that’s enough peanut butter jokes, because you might spread them.
Anyway, here are the next steps: 1) Waiting a week or two in case there are others who want their voice heard (but perhaps couldn’t because the roof of their mouth was stuck together);
2) Compiling the emails and submitting them to a Member of Parliament, who we’ll appoint as our a MPB;
3) Supporting a real petition on change.org calling for Apple to create a peanut butter emoji. (An important symbol for our social media campaign.)
4) Making and eating a peanut butter sandwich, because all this work is making me really, really hungry.