Distance yourself from manipulator

Q: I’ve been getting closer with a female friend. We have the same work hours, so it’s easy to hang out. She claims to have the same morals as I do, but what she’s doing in her relationships makes me feel bad for the guys.

She has a serious boyfriend of 18 months, and he loves her. He has to move away to school to get a stable job. He’ll be gone for five years, but he wants to marry her when he returns. She says she wants to marry him, and she loves how faithful and loyal he is.

But her ex-boyfriend is now her “friend with benefits.” He knows about her current boyfriend, who does not know about him. Her ex said he wants to keep their relationship a secret since he’s dating other girls just for fun.

She also has guys who are “just friends” — she doesn’t want to be with them, but if one of them buys her an expensive dinner, gifts and/or pays for a hotel, she’ll spend a couple of days with him.

How do I tell her that what she’s doing isn’t right? I want to continue being friends. But I feel if I hear more of her adventures, I’ll just tell her boyfriend.

— Fed Up Listening

A: Stop listening. You have your own principles, and that’s a good thing. You can’t force them on her, and threatening to expose her promiscuity isn’t an act of friendship either.

This woman is an opportunist, a taker and a user. Recognize that she’s using you too, to boast about a lifestyle she knows is hurtful to the one she loves Start distancing yourself from her and her tales of her sexual exploits.