Psychiatrist struggles with PTSD
Years of watching graphic crime videos takes toll
BROCKVILLE, ONT. — Dr. John Bradford’s mental breakdown hit without warning less than half an hour after he watched a video of Canadian Air Force colonel Russell Williams brutally assaulting two young women.
During his long and distinguished career as a doctor and teacher, the internationally renowned forensic psychiatrist had become skilled at emotionally detaching himself from all manner of horrendous images.
He was relatively comfortable sitting across a table from the likes of notorious sex killers Paul Bernardo, Robert “Willie” Pickton and Williams.
And like all professionals in his line of work, Bradford was trained to focus on the killer, not the crime. His job is to get inside a killer’s mind, not to pass judgment on the severity or brutality of the killer’s actions.
But as he drove away from Ontario Provincial Police headquarters in Orillia on that August day three years ago, the crushing weight of the video evidence broke him, and he began to descend into what a trusted professional colleague would eventually diagnose as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Bradford, 66, the go-to guy for Crown and defence lawyers needing to understand the complex minds of sexual sadists, had been working round the clock on the Williams case.
“I was under a lot of pressure to get the tests done on Williams because the Crown wanted to get on with it,” he says. “To avoid publicity I did all the work at night starting at around eight o’clock at The Royal Ottawa. The OPP would transport him and I would work with him at night when there was no Joe Public around. So I’d be there till midnight and I had 30 days to do the work.
“Then I had to go to Orillia to see the tapes. And the tapes are awful. They really are.”
Knowing their outcome is one of the toughest parts, says Bradford.
“Always with these things you know what the end play is,” he says. “You’re seeing someone alive being sexually assaulted and you know they’re going to die. It’s very, very hard.”
I knew there was something wrong but there was a lot of denial on my part and that’s why it didn’t work when I first went into treatment. I was pessimistic and depressed, but if you’re a psychiatrist and a tough forensic guy you think you can blow anything off, right? And that’s what I did.
DR. JOHN BRADFORD, INTERNATIONALLY RENOWNED FORENSIC PSYCHIATRIST
What he wouldn’t realize until he went into therapy was that the videos from his many cases had been gradually taking their toll and they rushed back to haunt him on that long drive home.
“I burst into tears and was crying uncontrollably,” he says. “I was shaking. I had never had an experience like that and it felt awful. I was crying and saying my life is a failure and asking myself ‘Why did you choose to do this stuff?’ I was completely self-derogatory and beating myself up. For the five hours back to Brockville I was struggling.
“The Williams tapes brought back the Bernado tapes. I had this video show going on and on and I couldn’t sleep. I would stay up till 2 a.m. to avoid going to sleep and so it was worse the next day.”
At the time he was working on the Williams case, he was also asked to give his opinion on another case, one that also demanded he watch graphic video evidence.
It was while he was testifying in court in that case that Bradford realized he was losing control.
“The defence was a normal cross- examination but he kept asking the same question over and over again from different angles,” he recalls. “The judge let it go and there was one point where in my mind I was saying to the lawyer: ‘Why don’t you shut the f--k up, you a---hole?’ I said it in my head and it nearly came out of my mouth and that would have been professional devastation for me. I am usually calm and cool and confident. It was then that I knew I had a problem.”
Bradford told his therapist that it wasn’t only the ghastly images that were replaying inside his head but also the sounds — the screams and the begging for mercy.
At one point, Bradford took a month away from his work as head of The Royal’s psychiatric centre at Brockville, Ont., a significant length of time, since he only took a week off after he had a heart attack.
The native South African sought treatment from doctors who told him the symptoms would fade in six months if he kept away from video work. But he rejected their advice that he take medication.
The symptoms didn’t go away.
“I knew there was something wrong but there was a lot of denial on my part, ”he says, “and that’s why it didn’t work when I first went into treatment. I was pessimistic and depressed, but if you’re a psychiatrist and a tough forensic guy you think you can blow anything off, right? And that’s what I did.”
Bradford developed a bad temper and while never a big drinker, says he began to increase his intake “to numb things.” Thoughts of suicide also began to creep into Bradford’s troubled mind.
What he couldn’t get over was the overwhelming feeling that his life had been a failure. After two years, and at his wife’s insistence, he contacted a good and trusted friend and military PTSD specialist. This time he agreed to take medication for depression as he began therapy.
Emotionally, Bradford says either the PTSD or the medication has left him slightly numb. “I was always someone who was happy and loving but I’m less so now,” he says. “But I’m not depressed. When I stop my meds by the end of the year we’ll see what happens. I have been told I’ve got chronic PTSD but the fact that I feel so much better makes me feel that I don’t.”
Treatment is a different can of worms, he adds.
“It’s complicated,” he says. “In my case it was macho. I’m a top forensic psychiatrist andI saw it as a weakness. I don’t talk about the treatment much because it’s difficult for me but getting to it early is important.”
Bradford says he’d resolved never to take another case involving graphic videos, but after consulting with his psychologist he agreed to analyze Luka Magnotta, the porn actor accused of murdering a student and mailing his severed limbs to schools and politicians. He goes to trial next year.
“I was very careful to find out the contents of the video and decided I could probably handle it,” he says.
Despite his improved state of mind, Bradford still sees his psychologist every three months.
“I’m reluctant to give that up,” he says.
“PTSD is real but it’s a matter of degree,” he adds. “There is no question that people are totally handicapped by it but we are all different. We have different personalities and different psychological makeups. It’s the persona and makeup that enable people to cope but it’s also very easy to become self-destructive with PTSD.”