RODEO FILM HAS TOO MUCH BULL
Latest Nicholas Sparks adaptation to hit the big screen follows the formula
There was a period when cinemas were free of Nicholas Sparks adaptations for years at a time. The Notebook in 2004 was followed by Nights in Rodanthe in 2008, and 2011 was a Sparks- free year.
But since then it’s been an annual affair, each title begging for a cynical riposte from the audience: The Lucky One ( not this viewer!); Safe Haven ( in another cinema?); The Best of Me ( the worst of casting). The Longest Ride, at 139 minutes, plays right into the trend.
Granted, if you like Sparks’ brand of boy meets/ loses/ gets girl romance, no story is too long. But from those posters of two faces gazing at each other to the southern setting and the inevitable kiss in the rain, they tend toward a certain cookie- cutter formula. Honestly, I’ve seen Oreos with more irregularities.
But let’s at least give the film points for creative casting. A romantic subplot set in the 1940s features Jack Huston ( grandson of John, nephew of Anjelica and Danny) and Oona Chaplin ( granddaughter of that Chaplin). In the present day, Luke Collins is played by Scott Eastwood ( son of that Eastwood). And his sweetheart Sophia is Britt Robertson, who I believe is Elvis’s seventh cousin, once removed. You can bet she took some ribbing on the set for that pedigree.
Luke is “young and easy on the eyes.” ( I’m actually quoting one of the film’s first lines of dialogue.) He’s a champion bull rider and a South Carolina gentleman- cowboy with a red pickup truck and a collection of tight white T- shirts. Sophia is a blond, beautiful art major ( I love her Van Gogh Starry Night chair!) who’s about to start her career at a Manhattan gallery. Insurmountable barrier: check.
Luke and Sophia meet at the rodeo and are soon dating. But driving home from a romantic picnic, they come across a car crash and rescue an injured, elderly driver named Ira ( Alan Alda) who begs Sophia to go back to the burning car and retrieve a basket of old letters.
After they take him to the hospital, she starts reading his mail ( because that’s what people do, right?) and learns something of his past.
Cue the sepia flashbacks, in which Ira ( now played by Huston) meets and falls for Ruth ( Chaplin), making out with her in the back of his father’s fabric shop, with the benefit that any naughty bits are covered by all that fabric. PG rating: maintained.
Ira may or may not be a great writer, but he gives great flashback. As Sophia reads, we watch the couple wed, collect art and fail to procreate, the last of which almost proves to be their undoing. In a bit of what passes for leitmotif, they visit a photo booth ( They had those in 1941?) and so do Luke and Sophia ( They still have those in 2015?).
But it’s not all smooth sailing in the present, because Luke is hiding the fact that he’s recovering from a devastating riding injury, and his next time on a bull might be his last. And Sophia is hiding the fact that her career is going to take her very far from the bullriding arena. None of which stops the young couple from engaging in their own bout of lovemaking in the shower, which handily fogs up the camera lens in all the wrong places.
The Longest Ride — which refers to the eight seconds a cowboy must stay on a bucking bull — was directed by George Tillman Jr. ( Faster, Notorious) and scripted by Craig Bolotin ( Black Rain). Neither has had much to do with the romance genre, and this film doesn’t really change that.
Far be it from me to spoil the plot, but since this is a Sparks story we’re required to have at least one death, one scene of shirtless farm labour, one torrential downpour, one nugget of elderly wisdom ( paging Dr. Pierce!) and one improbable conclusion, which in this case takes place during an art auction after a rodeo.
In the many scenes of bull riding, Luke’s nemesis is a beast named Rango. I wish I knew what animal played this bucking bronco, because I’m certain it has a famous sire — maybe the randy bull from Withnail & I, or one of the bovine stars of City Slickers. There has to be more bull in this film than meets the eye.