DEFINING REAL BEAUTY
Hint: it’s not your weight
In grade school, Ally Del Monte was tripped downstairs and repeatedly spat on. Peers hurled words like sharp weapons: “You’re pathetic, gross and disgusting.” Hundreds of online haters told her, “no one will care if you die.”
What made this ordinary Connecticut girl, now 16, the target of such wrath? Her weight.
Del Montestarted to believe her bullies.
“I hated my body. I hated myself,” says Del Monte, who once tried to overdose on her prescription medication.
Wendy Craig, a professor at Queen’s University in Kingston, Ont., told us more than half of all Canadian youth who are bullied are picked on because of their physical appearance.
“As a young person’s body mass index increases, so does their chances of being bullied,” says Craig, who is also the scientific co- director of the Canadian organization, PREVnet, which provides research and resources on bullying.
Fat shaming — a popular moniker for belittling and bullying people because of their size — is incredibly common. It may be the only form of discrimination society still tolerates.
Look at this summer’s blockbuster, Spy. The movie elicits belly laughs because the main character, Susan Cooper ( played by Melissa McCarthy), is obese. Would audiences snort into soft drinks at the sight of a visible minority, or disabled person, getting into a tiny car, or toppling off a scooter on a cobblestone street?
In Canada, close to one- third of young people are overweight or obese. We aren’t offering solutions on that complex health concern. Thankfully, professionals around the globe are working on it. But youth empowerment is our life’s work. And we are advocating for a world where young people aren’t ashamed of their body size.
A Yale University study published in 2013 reveals as many as 80 per cent of U. S. parents surveyed believe schools should create anti- bullying policies with specific safeguards for students who have weight issues.
In the U. K., University College London researcher, Dr. Sarah Jackson, says “fattism” should be illegal. Jackson made the comment earlier this year while releasing research that shows adults who were made to feel ashamed of their size were more likely to have depression. She pointed out the U. K.’ s Equality Act 2010 legally protects individuals from ageism, sexism and racism, but there are no laws banning weight discrimination.
A recent study out of Stockholm’s Karolinska Institute found obese teens were 20 per cent less likely to graduate secondary school than thinner students, regardless of their socioeconomic upbringing.
We all need to help kids — and adults — challenge their negative perceptions of others, and make sure they know the concept of acceptance includes size.
Perhaps what’s most important is to make sure youth with weight issues find their passions. Working with children and teens, we’ve seen this is crucial to developing coping skills and good self- esteem.
Del Monte found solace and healing in music and had the encouragement of her mother to push forward.
“I heard ( the One Direction song) What Makes You Beautiful the day after I tried to kill myself and it gave me a lot of hope,” Del Monte told us at We Day Illinois.
Today, she is thriving, writing her own songs and blogging on losergurl. com. As a passionate advocate against weight- based bullying, Del Monte created the hashtag # BeBrave to encourage young people to share their stories and support one another.
“I want people to know that they’re not alone, and that I’ve been through the same thing,” says Del Monte, who encourages bullied youth to be their own biggest allies.
Our society has made epic strides in embracing diversity. Let’s show young people their self- worth is so much more than a number on a scale.