Fantastic Four reboot fails worse than first
No one in Fantastic Four ever says the phrase “fantastic four.” Even the early posters for the movie concentrated on the number rather than the adjective. The reason? Truth in advertising.
There are indeed four main characters who develop superpowers. Or as one of the four insists on calling them, “aggressively abnormal physical conditions.” Sounds like something your doctor would tell you, followed by: “Do you have a will?”
It’s like 20 hours of labour without even the joy of a newborn at the end; just the promise of a sequel, which in this case feels more like a threat.
The opening scenes take place in 2007, the same time the last Fantastic Four iteration was wrapping up its own lacklustre sequel. Fifth- graders Reed Richards and Ben Grimm, are in the garage, building a “cymatic matter shuttle.”
That’s a teleporter for screenwriters who aren’t getting paid by the word.
Seven years later, Reed ( now played by Miles Teller), and Ben ( Jamie Bell), are showing off their gizmo at the high- school science fair, where it somehow attracts the attention of genius millionaire philanthropist Franklin Storm ( Reg E. Cathey). Does the guy regularly troll secondary- school gyms for science prodigies? Because that seems just a bit creepy.
Anyway, Reed gets taken under Franklin’s wing, while Ben disappears into the background until the plot needs him again. ( This kind of character call- waiting happens a lot.) Together with Franklin’s biological son Johnny ( Michael B. Jordan), adopted daughter Sue ( Kate Mara), and Victor Von Doom ( Toby Kebbell), they build an even bigger model to transport people into another dimension.
The first test involves sending a non- human primate; the chimp comes back unharmed, and Reed and the rest decide, in a moment of drunken revelry, to take the next trip themselves and not let some Neil Armstrong type hog the glory.
Of course, things go wrong in the fifth dimension. Victor goes missing and is presumed dead — thanks, Mr. Von Doom, we’ll call you when we need you — while the rest return to Earth and start exhibiting abnormal physical conditions.
Remember 2005’ s Fantastic Four, where The Thing gets dumped by his wife and then saves a guy from jumping off a bridge? Human Torch versus missile? Reed’s and Sue’s amazement at finding themselves stretchy and invisible? Well you can forget all that. In this one, we cut to a year later, with one of the four in hiding and two under military lockdown. It’s as if director Josh Trank, ran out of money and decided to just show us the previsualization rather than the finished special effects.
As a result, Fantastic Four is quite possibly the least actionfilled action movie in Marvel history.
Meanwhile, it’s hard to tell whether to fault the writers or cast for the dreary plot. Teller has to shoulder some of the blame. He was so good as a bullied drummer in Whiplash, but as a leading man, he’s definitely dragging here.
I was going to give Fantastic Four a single star until I realized that I’d already set that bar with my review of the 2005 version, which is looking quite watchable in comparison. And therein lies a ray of hope. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. I hear the fourth time’s the charm.