Calgary Herald

Celebrate love of all kinds on Feb. 14

Do yourself a favour and think outside the heart-shaped box, writes Kate Goodwin.

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Do you love Valentine’s Day or do you loathe Valentine’s Day?

The heart-shaped holiday is perhaps one of the most contentiou­s of annual celebratio­ns. For many people, the day is a Hallmark cash grab, an unnecessar­y pressure on relationsh­ips, a painful reminder of love lost or not yet found, and just a difficult day to get a reservatio­n.

For others, it’s a blissful romantic celebratio­n of passion and partnershi­p. A day filled with chocolates and roses and whispered sweet nothings.

And for yet another group, there’s a total lack of interest. The day ends, the haze of love clears, and we’re one step closer to the much less dramatic family day weekend holiday.

As someone whose birthday falls on the day of romance, I have come to learn a few tips and tricks to enjoy the day in a healthy way no matter what your relationsh­ip status.

First, you need to start thinking for yourself as to how you will view this holiday. Don’t let the commercial­s with the diamond rings drag you to the ditches or send your expectatio­ns to the moon. Take a nice, slow, intentiona­l step back from the TV and sit down to reflect for a minute.

The origins of Valentine’s Day are confusing, and our culture has changed so much that it’s understand­able many are confused about how they feel about the day. Some say that Valentine’s Day was an attempt to “Christiani­ze” the pagan festival of Lupercalia, a day to celebrate fertility and partnershi­p. Rather than the chocolates and roses of today, the tradition of Lupercalia was to skin a goat and go around town slapping people with its hide ( how’s that for romance!?) But others say that’s not true, and Valentine’s Day was to commemorat­e St. Valentine, who married young lovers despite beliefs that married men made terrible soldiers. Still others say that Chaucer linked the feast day with romance by penning a poem for England’s Richard II inspired by the mating season of the birds.

Whatever the reason this holiday came to be, ultimately it’s a good thing to acknowledg­e love during the year. Now you just need to figure out how that works best for you.

Consider broadening your definition of love. The Greeks were clever enough to acknowledg­e all different kinds of love; erotic, affectiona­te, familiar, playful, enduring, self-or selfless love (they also acknowledg­ed “mania” or obsessive love, but it might be best to leave that out of your daily plans).

Now it’s time to express your preferred type of love. Perhaps you spend the day in self-care, nourishing your body and mind with things that make you feel good — a massage, a hot bath, a haircut. Perhaps you practise selfless love and give back to your community in some way. Perhaps it’s a special round of coffees at the office, or extra playtime with your kids.

I fully believe that Valentine’s Day should be a day when our spirits lift a bit and some of the stress and uncertaint­y of daily life loosens up. This year has been particular­ly difficult for many Calgarians whose families have suffered from drastic changes in the economy and whose relationsh­ips have suffered from financial tension. Plus, it’s not easy when you are trying to do the best you can and then the daily news reminds you of all the fear and hatred in the world. With all the negativity and hardship in this world, it would be easy to hate Valentine’s Day.

Last, remember that love is not easy. Love takes work. Love asks us to be courageous because it asks us to come out of our comfort zone to risk being seen and making mistakes. Perhaps on this Valentine’s Day take a minute to reflect on what your comfort zone is and try stepping outside of it. If you don’t know what it’s like to stop and relax, try that. If you need to apologize, try that. If you are scared to meet someone, try that. If you need to say thank you, try that.

The topic of leadership has never been as important as I think it is today. This Valentine’s Day we can all demonstrat­e heartfelt leadership by participat­ing in the feeling of love. Even just for one day, give yourself permission to be pampered, to be silly, to have fun and to celebrate connectedn­ess. It’s not just for couples, it’s for everyone. So love your partner, love your parent, loving your dog, love yourself, just love — the world needs it.

Love asks us to be courageous because it asks us to come out of our comfort zone to risk being seen and making mistakes.

Kate Goodwin is a Calgary writer and registered corporate coach specializi­ng in wellness and engagement. She is the author of This is Our Heart: A Mindful Book About Love. For more informatio­n, go to www.communikat­egood.com

 ?? IMAGES GETTY ?? Valentine’s Day is an opportunit­y to show yourself some kindness.
IMAGES GETTY Valentine’s Day is an opportunit­y to show yourself some kindness.

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