Don Rickles’ most scathing insults
Don Rickles, who died on April 6 was legendary for his onstage insults — even though he was a nice guy in real life. A sampling of his stinging comments:
At a tribute to Clint Eastwood: “Clint, I’m sorry, but I just gotta say what’s on everybody’s mind here tonight: You’re a terrible actor.”
On Robert De Niro, while shooting Casino: “They warned me what a serious guy De Niro is ... They warned me not to make jokes. So the third day of shooting, I looked him straight in the face and told him: ‘I can’t work with you. You can’t act.’ The guy fell on the floor. He didn’t stop laughing for 18 weeks. Scorsese fell on the floor too, but he’s so small we couldn’t find him.”
On Martin Scorcese, who directed him in Casino: “Marty ... somebody get a phone book so you can see me. Forty million jobs in show business, I got a midget to direct me.”
While roasting Bob Hope on The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: “We kid about great stars such as you Bob, why? Because you’re old and washed up.”
To Frank Sinatra, at a club in 1957: “Make yourself at home, Frank. Hit somebody.”
To Johnny Carson, during Rickles’ first appearance on The Tonight Show: “Hi, dumdum ... Where does it say you butt in, dummy? I’m fed up with you already, you know that?” He continued: “That’s it, laugh it up. You’re making $50 million a year and your poor parents are back in Nebraska eating locusts for dinner.”
To Mr. T on the Merv Griffin Show: “I gotta tell you, with all the nonsense and all the jokes, I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart: Merv Griffin told me he never liked you.”
To Larry King on Larry King Live in 1985: “Well I just wanted to say to you, Larry, as a favour, please don’t call me anymore. I think this was an absolute waste.”
To Ronald Reagan at his second inauguration: “Remember when you were governor and you used to walk over to my table? Now you’re big and you’re getting on my nerves.”