Grieving mom says victims of fentanyl ‘not numbers’

Laura Marshall and Don Harman’s son, Graham, was a week out of a recovery program when he overdosed on fentanyl. Less than a year after losing their only child, the husband and wife stood outside Calgary’ s City Hall on Thursday in an emotional tribute to the 22-year-old and the hundreds of others who have died from fentanyl overdoses across the province.

“I think he always felt he could control the beast, but you don’t control fentanyl,” said Harman. “It’s a nasty, nasty drug and I asked him many times: ‘why can’t you stop?’ And he said, ‘it’s so hard, Dad.’ ”

As they stood in the plaza on International Overdose Awareness Day holding a photo of their son, the couple said they hoped their story would educate others about the drug that has killed more than 1,000 Albertans since 2012, including 241 people this year.

“All we’re trying to do is advocate and educate people to stop other families from feeling what we feel, because it’s such incredible pain, and we’re just trying to carry on, but it’s hard,” Harman said.

They are also determined to show others that there are faces behind those growing statistics, and family members mourning each of those deaths. “They’re not numbers, they’re people,” said Marshall. “And they’re children and brothers and fathers and mothers, and they need to be honoured.”

Speakers featured at the event organized by the group Changing the Face of Addiction did just that, paying tribute to those caught up in the opioid crisis and calling for the prevention of further deaths, as many in the crowd held signs showing people in recovery, with phrases such as “I am someone” and “I love someone.”

“Even with the love and support of family, friends and community, many, many of our friends and neighbours struggle with addiction,” said Mayor Naheed Nenshi.

“And it is more dangerous than it has ever been to be addicted.”

Public health physician Dr. Hakique Virani noted Calgary is one of the hardest-hit cities in Canada by the overdose epidemic — and like in other North American centres, deaths are happening frequently among young people.

“As a result of that, there are thousands and thousands of parents walking around, trying to find their way through that most unnatural situation of having outlived your children,” he said. “Everybody knows that a mom’s worst nightmare or a dad’s worst nightmare is getting that phone call or that knock on the door in the middle of the night from uniformed officers to tell you that your kid is dead. That same kid whose hair you ran your fingers through when they were small as they fell asleep, and the same kid who when the first time you held them, you promised them that they would be unconditionally loved and protected from all harm.”

The addiction specialist said many family members he speaks to express “feeling like a failure” when they lose a loved one. “It’s pretty clear that it’s not the individual family unit that failed, it’s all of us that are responsible for taking care of each other,” Virani said.

“Whether you’re a neighbour or stranger or whether you’re a health-care professional or whether you’re government, we all have a responsibility to one another. … We need to be the safety net — and programs, services, policies need to be the safe environment.”