Faith shines through even in death’s embrace
Former Calgary teacher promotes new book on grief and runs training workshop
Rick Benson has been close to death many times in his life and such proximity has strengthened his understanding of the importance of faith.
The one-time Calgary schoolteacher, rugby lover and lay chaplain is back visiting the city this weekend to hold a “train the trainer” workshop with Canadian Mental Health Association staff, as well as to promote his recent book about grief, loss and life transitions.
These days, Benson is director of spiritual care and a grief recovery specialist at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Saint John, New Brunswick. It’s a role that brings him into close contact with people of all faiths and often with people who have no faith at all. But, they are all struggling through some of life’s most challenging times.
Those experiences, allied to his Jesuit upbringing, helped shape the chapters of his self-published book: My Chaos, Searching For My New Normal. The book details proven strategies and anecdotal stories to try and provide a pathway for those facing imminent death or the passing of a partner, close friend or relative.
However Benson says there are no “one size fits all” answers, as each person’s grief and challenges are unique. Still, he believes there are valid and important guidelines gained through years of experience that most will find helpful.
“Most of the people I deal with in hospital are seniors, often those suffering with dementia, along with their families who are adjusting to all of these new circumstances,” says Benson. “I also deal in palliative care and that’s where the grief work started.
“The book wasn’t something I planned to do but it evolved into more ways of helping people out,” he says. “It’s a collection of compassionate wisdom. These are all evidence-based, proven strategies that have been researched through academic and mental health ex- pertise. If you do these things, if you practice these things, it will reduce your anxiety through loss and life’s transitions.
“Yet, I found that most people get too stuck on ‘you have to do this, you have to do that.’ Yes, but there are other things to try, so here is an array of choices because everyone is unique without exception, so let’s choose what can work for you.”
When people are facing death or loss, many of those age-old questions arise, both from those who have practised a specific religion as well as others who have never belonged to any organized faith.
“I have listened to thousands of stories and I have heard ... those age-old questions since the beginning of time: ‘ Who is God and how is God involved?’ and people who are not religious will ask: ‘Is there a God and is this God being nasty to me?’ Those are the questions I often deal with at people’s bedsides at death time,” says Benson, noting he has seen how faith is so important at such times by allowing people to articulate their experience regardless of any specific religion.
“I am firmly of the Catholic faith, but I deal with Muslim people who are dying, Jewish people, Christian people — it doesn’t matter. There are times when we are the same.”
His advice for those suffering through difficult times of loss and challenge is first and foremost to seek out those who will listen.
“Don’t do it alone. Seek out others who will be supportive and who will listen. And, for those people asked to help, do not be quick to give advice and judge, because so often loss and grief and life transitions are unique. Even if you know someone else who had breast cancer, your experience of having breast cancer is different,” he says.
This weekend’s visit to Calgary is a homecoming of sorts for Benson.
He first arrived in the city in 1985, to take a Bachelor of Education degree. He contacted the Catholic School Board about the possibility of doing chaplaincy work in high schools, back then a new role in the city system. They agreed but added that he had to teach as well – and not just religious studies but also rugby at St. Francis High School.
He’s happy to return, even if it’s only for a long weekend. Benson will be signing copies of his book this Sunday at the Indigo store at Signal Hill from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m.