COMEDIAN EXPLORES HER DARK DAYS
Air Farce veteran Jessica Holmes shares her struggle with depression in a new book
Comedian and actress Jessica Holmes had a great career and a happy, supportive family so it seemed a bit strange that she couldn’t get off the couch.
The star of own comedy TV show The Holmes Show and then a member of venerable Royal Canadian Air Farce, Holmes was also doing gigs opening for the likes of Jerry Seinfeld and Ellen DeGeneres. She even landed an MC job for a big Oprah event.
But despite appearances and opportunities Holmes’ sofa slump didn’t abate. Finally she was diagnosed with depression. But as any good comedian knows everything has the potential to become material so Holmes took her mental health and made it the topic of her self-deprecating, candid, emotional and funny new book, Depression the Comedy.
Holmes will be in Vancouver to perform at the Love Her Ovarian Cancer fundraiser on May 3 at the Fairmont Hotel.
Postmedia News caught up with Holmes to talk about the book and how she’s feeling.
Q Why did you want to do this book?
A I just felt like my inner muse was pushing me to do so. It just felt natural for a comedian to sort through her feelings this way.
Q Did you have thoughts about doing a book while you were depressed?
A As soon as I was diagnosed I thought the only way to make the last two years not a total waste would be to turn this into something that could help other people. I would say the only upside of depression is you have more empathy and a desire to help other people who are struggling. I, of course, had to ask my husband if he was willing to be the foil in this book, and he was willing. In comedy we say tragedy plus time equals comedy and so I knew I had to find some way to turn this into a positive, funny thing.
Q In the book you use a character named Pat to help you navigate the narrative. How and why did you settle on that?
A I knew I wanted to write something very gentle and very palatable, easy, that wouldn’t scare anyone away who is trying so hard to avoid bad feelings and sadness and depression. The whole do no harm kind of thing was my motto. I approached writing a book the same way I approached writing an improvised scene, or the same way I would write a monologue as Celine Dion. I just sort of start creating the scene in my mind and I am typing while I am doing it. I am even sometimes talking out loud. It was almost like I was writing a play or a sketch.
Q What was your tipping point to get help for your depression?
A When my husband and I went for marriage counselling, because I had blamed all my frustration and sadness on marriage, and when we got to the therapist’s office I explained all my different feelings and grievances and I asked “is that normal?” and she said “it’s normal in a depressed person.” That was a relief to me because then I thought OK, maybe my marriage has a chance and maybe depression is something I can work on and fix.
It was scary, too. Knowing I had been depressed more than once I knew I was susceptible to a recurrence, so I still — every single day — live in a way that I’m trying to keep my mental health in peak form. I’m basically living the life of a senior citizen where I’m like early to bed, don’t get too stressed, and those types of things.
Q You were officially diagnosed in 2012. How are you doing these days?
A I am a very full person. My heart is full. My life is full and it’s balanced to the best of my ability, which isn’t perfect.
Q Have you found any positives with depression?
A I would say it is the empathy for other people. You know the R.E.M. song Everybody Hurts? When I was in the depression I thought I had to be a lot kinder even as a driver because I have no idea in these other cars, all these different people, what are they going through? What kind of invisible illness do they have or what kind of pain are they suffering from. So patience and empathy for others.
Q Is talking about depression all the time depressing ?
A With the talk I developed with the book, Depression the Comedy, I only talk about depression for about 15 minutes and the rest is comedy, because the truth is nobody would want to hear about depression for more than 15 minutes. I think comedy is the best way to sneak a little feel-good message in for people. I do my impressions and my songs then I quickly throw a little broccoli in there. You know, “Hey, take care of your mental health.”
Q What have you learned about recovering or managing depression?
A What surprised me about recovering from depression was that it wasn’t just any one thing it was many little things again and again. When you have to pull a motor on a boat and you try again and again and eventually it catches, and so I just tell people that it might be your recovery your healing is just tiny baby steps and you might not see a change right away but please know that there’s always tomorrow there’s always a chance it could work tomorrow if you keep going.
Q How was the process of writing the book?
A The most wonderful creative experience. So I will say that was a year of just joy, every morning waking up and going to the computer and writing. I don’t know yet how it will help my standup comedy. I have a couple of jokes here and there but I have thought that there is something to doing an hour specifically related to mental health.