Please, please let a strike be the final nail in coffin of Canada Post

As ability to do things online increases, Canadians no longer need postal service

Oh, please, let them go on strike. Maybe that will be the final straw to break Canadians’ collective backs, having carried the monstrosity that is the national postal service long enough, down such a lengthy, bitter and far too expensive a route.

Come on, let’s face it, the actual mail most of us still receive — not counting those ubiquitous and generally unwanted flyers — could all be delivered digitally and online if we could simply be bothered to push a few keystrokes on our various computers or smartphones.

So yes, another strike might be just the push needed to finally jettison this archaic remnant from a time when all people actually dialed phone numbers, tuned in to a radio program and, much as it saddens me, picked up a newspaper from a box on the street corner.

And if ever you needed persuading that this service deserves to be deader than the dearly departed dodo, just consider the latest financial results.

In remarkable fashion, the postal service managed to lose almost a quarter of a billion dollars in its last financial quarter, due to putting away a fortune in order to resolve a pay equity dispute with its biggest union.

Apparently posties in rural and suburban areas don’t get paid the same as their colleagues in the big inner cities. These out-oftown carriers are also predominantly female, while in the cities, the carriers are mostly men.

So, somehow, this has turned into a pay parity problem, and now the Crown agency faces a big, one-time payout to play catch up.

The final deal isn’t done yet, but the $242-million loss is attributed to money that’s been put aside to eventually settle the issue. Yep, there’s going to be lots of cheques in the mail soon enough, it seems.

The postal workers’ union already sounds triumphant: “For decades, Canada Post has treated rural and suburban mail carriers as second-class workers,” declared national president Mike Palecek.

“Finally, justice is on the horizon for these workers. Canada Post can’t run and hide from pay equity any more.”

Pay equity? For heaven’s sake, if parity and equity are required, then let’s use the pay scale of those kids — both girls and boys — who often stuff flyers beyond the gathered cobwebs and into some gaping letterbox.

That encompasses the same level of expertise required: the basic literacy and numeracy to figure out that number 35 on Davis Crescent comes right after number 33. Other than wearing a fancy uniform, what’s the difference?

What special skills are we imagining here? If Alberta’s government were not intent on raising the minimum wage to $15, then a fair compensation for sticking numbered stuff into a numbered slot should be about 10 bucks an hour. It is child’s play, which is exactly why kids so often do it.

But no, we’re now building in multimillions of dollars because the rural posties are getting paid less than the urban ones. And of course, like everything else these days, this has become a gender issue. Hey, why not? Make it somehow about human rights and you can add another zero to any eventual settlement.

Honestly though, the union bosses for Canada’s posties would be well advised to simply keep their heads down and their mouths shut. Ride this gravy train, lads and lasses, just as far as that last rail goes.

But no, that’s out of the question. The union membership is now voting on possible job action because they’ve been without a collective agreement since December.

Really? Well, if you genuinely feel you must exercise that sacred right to industrial action, then please go right ahead. Fill those big boots to the absolute brim.

Man — or woman — those barricades for 12 months, if need be. Because by then, even the laziest of us Canucks will have figured out what keystrokes to strike and, in doing so, finally recognize Canada Post is way past done, dusted and, suitably, delivered on a platter.