START BY RELAXING
High school is overwhelming, but everyone can start off right
The transition to high school is possibly the most fraught back-toschool season since kindergarten. Newly minted ninth-graders will be rubbing elbows with seniors who often tower a head above them. For the first time, grades really count. The workload will be more demanding. And then there’s the nonschool side of things: sports, clubs, activities, friends, parties, social media, drugs and more.
A new high school parent could be forgiven for feeling overwhelmed. When I started asking friends for advice, the most common response was: relax.
Experts I interviewed agreed with my friends. Their advice falls into four categories:
1
Manage stress
“It has gotten ridiculous. There’s so much academic pressure,” says Mary Alvord, a psychologist and author of Conquer Negative Thinking for Teens (Instant Help, 2017) and Resilience Builder Program (Research Press, 2011). “The anxiety of expectations is extremely high and the unknowns are so high.”
Help your child take the new steps and decisions one at a time, which makes them feel more manageable. Stay healthy by getting enough sleep, exercise and downtime, Alvord says.
“You have to prioritize sleep,” she says. “For parents that means setting some limits in terms of what screens are in the room.”
Remind children of the new schools they started in the past and how they rose to the occasion. Or share stories of how relatives and friends tackled high school and what helped them succeed. Ignore peer pressure to load up the schedule with advanced placement and honours classes. Talk to friends with older children to get some perspective — for your child and yourself.
Plan a fun fall activity with your child and consider doing a room reboot, suggests Paige Trevor, a professional organizer and certified parent educator. “Create a budget, repaint, declutter, frame new posters,” she says. “High school is hard; it’s great if your room is your dream room.”
2
Get involved
Join a sports team. Your ninthgrader may feel more confident if they can connect with other students at practices. Many schools have a less-competitive team or sport for those youngsters who aren’t naturally athletic. And it doesn’t have to be sports — joining a club, interest group or even inviting other new students for ice cream can break the ice. Ninth grade presents an opportunity to try something new and to reinvent yourself.
“A lot of success in high school is related to finding what you’re passionate about, finding new interests,” says Kimberly Martin, principal of Woodrow Wilson High in Washington.
Clubs, activities and collaborative work in class lead to new friendships. “The biggest concern I see parents having is not will they make friends, but who their friends are, concerns about having the ‘wrong ’ kind of friends,” she says. “That’s the place where parents should probably be quite diligent.”
3
Encourage independence
In ninth grade, children should make more of their own decisions. This means choosing classes, selecting clubs and learning to manage their time. (It’s not your shot at a redo.)
Martin says, “Too often parents are in the driver’s seat and they say more (Advanced Placement) classes and all honours and are very aggressive with the academics.”
The same goes for late assignments, help from teachers and other communications with the school.
“The students who haven’t yet learned to ask for help will often struggle. Learning to ask for help and advocate for themselves are skills that are really important,” she says. “Teachers don’t love when a parent is the one asking for everything.” Set up a structure of support without micromanaging, Trevor says.
That may mean a weekly meeting where your child prints a grade report and you discuss it together. Help students find an organizational system that works for them, then let them handle things.
“The parent’s job is to notice the success and to ask if the child needs any assistance,” Trevor says. “We want to mindfully switch from being in charge of our child to being our child’s trusted adviser ...”
4
Expect imperfection
Don’t be surprised if your teen regresses in high school, becoming more sloppy and disorganized. “Sometimes to leap big, you have to go backward for a bit,” Trevor says.
Expect students to make mistakes, Martin says. They’re learning how long it takes to prepare for a test, to complete reading. Don’t freak out if a B -minus comes home.
“Ninth and 10th grade are an adjustment period ...” she says. “I would say to parents: Be patient, let the students figure it out.”