Model was suicidal and fought anxiety
Gisele Bündchen once grappled with suicidal thoughts as she battled anxiety issues.
The Brazilian model decided to go public with her private struggles in her new memoir, Lessons: My Path to a Meaningful Life, because she wants fans to see that even her life has been far from flawless at times.
“Things can be looking perfect on the outside, but you have no idea what’s really going on,” she tells People magazine. “I felt like maybe it was time to share some of my vulnerabilities, and it made me realize everything I’ve lived through, I would never change, because I think I am who I am because of those experiences.”
Bündchen reveals she experienced her first panic attack on a flight in 2003, and the experience left her fearful of enclosed spaces. She also felt her fast-rising stardom made the world seem smaller.
“I had a wonderful position in my career, I was very close to my family, and I always considered myself a positive person, so I was really beating myself up,” she adds. “I felt like I wasn’t allowed to feel bad. I felt powerless. Your world becomes smaller and smaller, and you can’t breathe, which is the worst feeling I’ve ever had.”
And the 38-year-old started to think the best way to deal with the panic attacks was to end her life.
“I actually had the feeling of, ‘If I just jump off my balcony, this is going to end, and I never have to worry about this feeling of my world closing in (again),’” she says.
She turned to a doctor who initially prescribed her anxiety medicine, but Bündchen made the decision not to take the medication and decided to try changing her lifestyle.
“I had been smoking cigarettes, drinking a bottle of wine and three mocha Frappucinos every day, and I gave up everything in one day,” she says.
“I thought, if this stuff is in any way the cause of this pain in my life, it’s gotta go.”
Bündchen, who is now married to football player Tom Brady, also ended her romance with longtime love Leonardo DiCaprio in 2005.
“Everyone who crosses our path is a teacher, they come into our lives to show us something about ourselves,” she says. “And I think that’s what he was ... I honour him for what he was.”