Embracing the After
Five years to the day of her diagnosis, Joanna brought her newborn son home for the first time, and now she’s talking to her doctor about having a second child. (Her husband’s already on board.) “It’s the least romantic way to grow a family,” she admits, laughing. But she thinks of her son, and any future kids, as the “ultimate celebration,” not just of life, but also of her femininity. “Breast cancer took my hair, my eyelashes, my breasts—things that made me feel like a woman,” she says. Having a baby didn’t make life “normal” again (she’s back on tamoxifen and continues to worry about recurrence), but he is a constant reminder that she has a bright future.
Though it might not look that way on the surface, Verna’s experience was similar. She, too, had to let go of what she used to think her life would be and to accept a new reality. A former workaholic who kept going to the office throughout treatment (her employer was supportive, and it helped her feel like she wasn’t sick), she finds that she’s taking more time for herself, spending more quality time with family and friends and even anticipating a day when she’ll retire. But she needed some help to get there. She started attending meetings with the Pink Panther Support Group, a survivor group hosted by Breast Cancer Action Nova Scotia (BCANS), where she met several women who were diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer around the same time as Verna. “I knew I had to decide if I wanted to sit and worry or live my life with the determination to survive,” she says. “Talking openly about our fears and realizing that we were all doing very well helped me change my thought process to a more positive one.” Now a volunteer cochair with BCANS, Verna still sees her Pink Panthers, but now she’s the survivor giving support to newly diagnosed women.
Like Joanna and Verna, every woman who has made it through treatment must find a way to look forward if she’s going to fully embrace her own After. Her body might not look the same, the fear of recurrence will likely always be at the back of her mind, and her relationships may have undergone tremendous strain, but she’s made it through the hard part, and she’s facing a future full of possibility.