Romantic fantasy may compromise job

Q: I work as a concierge, and really admire a resident here who’s a university student. I want to date her. Once she was passing by, and after greeting her like other residents, I told her “your hairstyle is nicer than your usual hairstyle.” She gave me a big laugh. My conflict is that I don’t want to cross the line in fear of losing my job.

I’m not sure of her feelings. Maybe I’m only daydreaming that she likes me.

How can I make sure that she likes me? I thought of giving her a flower, but if she accepts it, it won’t mean that she loves me.

I can’t tell her frankly that I like her. I wish I could communicate my feelings. — Conflicted Concierge

A: The conflict between your job and your ‘daydream’ is no small issue.

You’re expected, as part of your role in the building where she lives, to protect her from strangers and difficulties, NOT to come on to her.

If she gave you a signal that she wanted to date, you’d still have to discuss this with your employer, to make sure it’s acceptable.

Otherwise, you’d risk making her nervous if you started talking about feelings.

You don’t really know her. She may be nice and friendly when she sees you, but wondering if she likes you only shows that she’s become a fantasy to you.

Treat her the same as all other residents.

Q: started a new job as a Marketing Coordinator three months ago.

It was going great, until the receptionist came into my office saying, “I’m going to be out of town next week and l need you to cover me, so I’ll train you on my job.”

I assumed that upper management decided this, but it turns out, they have no idea.

Anyways, she trained me and I covered for her.

When she returned, she said, “There are still a few things I need to teach you. I’m going to be away for a day next month.”

Her next “training” was having me do her entire job.

Other co-workers ask me if I’m her assistant now because she’s always assigning me daily tasks.

My two managers, when present (rarely), they have a very relaxed approach and give us a lot of room to make our own decisions.

Some people would talk to Human Resources about this, but our HR guy has watched the entire ordeal.

I think the receptionist takes advantage that I’m only 22, and a recent college graduate.

I asked my co-workers why they weren’t asked to cover for her and they said 1) I’m a girl and 2) Most of the guys here are lazy.

That’s extremely sexist and upsets me greatly.

I love my marketing job, but not being receptionist. What should I do? — Young and Female

A: She’s definitely taken advantage of you.

It’s unfair and sexist, but worse, could be interfering with your doing your best at the marketing job for which you were hired.

Given that your managers are so ‘relaxed’,î you might mention to them casually, when you see them, that you’d like to take on more marketing tasks. It’d be wise to have an absorbing project in mind.

If you get a new assignment, then you can comfortably tell the receptionist that the bosses have given you extra work.

Then, if she still wants your ‘coverage’, formally report to the HR guy what he already knows.

Reader’s Commentary On making online dating work for you:

“I’ve definitely made the mistake myself, of expecting that just because someone and I were ‘matched’ online and went on a date, then it must be the beginning of a relationship.

“Now I know better. You should think about meeting people online the same way you’d make new friends through work or a class, etc.

“It takes time and you wouldn’t just automatically trust someone you don’t know, right away.

“Be your authentic and honest self, and imagine you’re just meeting someone new as a friend, without expecting to become ‘a couple’. “If it’s right, it’ll be easy. “And it is possible! It’ll be five years with my guy this summer, and we did meet online.

Also, two of my great girlfriends married their online partners!

‘There’s no reason to rush an early connection. Have fun and enjoy the ride!î

TIP OF THE DAY: When a romantic fantasy conflicts with your job, back off unless it’s mutual, and you both seek company approval.