Too much to do
Home for summer vacation and the pressure is on
We are nearing the end of our two-week summer vacation in Cape Breton. Although the time has flown by much too quickly I do feel we accomplished a lot in our time here. When planning the trip home, I felt a certain pressure - entirely self-imposed - to do as much “summer stuff” as possible in 14 days. What I really needed to do was rest and relax and spend a day or two in my pajamas with a remote in one hand and a beer in the other, but something inside me said, “No resting allowed! You must have fun or else!”
In retrospect, my “fun at all costs” attitude was an overcompensation for being so focused on my job the last few months. It sapped some of my energy when it came to planning fun activities with the kids.
They say guilt is a useless, unproductive emotion, but my guilt over working too much served as a springboard to catapult me from Distracted Mom to Fun Mom as soon as we arrived in Dominion.
My sister-in-law Adrianne is always ready when it comes to planning fun, creative activities. She was game to help me tick the items off my vacation bucket list. My kids Gavin and Lauren would have been more than content playing in my parents’ backyard with their cousins, Lily and Charlotte, but we had a to-do list to complete. Trip to the Bayside for ice cream: check! Sydney shopping expedition: check! Berry picking on the north side: check! A day at Dominion Beach: check! Hike to Uisge Ban Falls: check! Fishing with Papa: signed, sealed and delivered!
But what I quickly realized is that I was flying through each adventure without being truly present for each. I still felt distracted by work and planning the “next thing” until my husband Bernard called me out on it. What was the point in doing all this stuff if I was just going through the motions? He was right. Meanwhile I still had a list of activities to do, most of them part of Seaside Daze, so I vowed to practice being present for the rest of the trip.
Towards the end of our vacation, I started to realize that Gavin and Lauren had absorbed some of the pressure that came with my bucket list. I had made the mistake of talking too much about Lauren’s “first-ever” Princess Tea Party. Suddenly this fun, well-orchestrated party for little girls had morphed (in Lauren’s mind) into an initiation into princess-hood. During the party, which was too cute for words, Lauren cried twice and even tried to “take down” one of the princesses. (Sorry about that, Rapunzel!) Then she turned her attention to the scavenger hunt.
“What if I can’t find all the stuff? Will I still get a prize?”
I didn’t dismiss her fears as silly or a side effect of fatigue. We made sure the scavenger hunt didn’t sound like an “event” and that there was no pressure involved. Things went very smoothly and they enjoyed the challenge of finding items on their lists, minus any meltdowns.
As I reflect on our trip home, I believe I have learned two very important lessons. One, kids want quality time with their parents and couldn’t care less about fancy trips or special events. And two, when your daughter starts to tackle other princesses, it’s time to go home.
Jen Gouthro, a Dominion native, moved away from Cape Breton more than 25 years ago. She has lived in Antigonish, Banff, Maine and Windsor, Ont. and currently resides in Toronto. She has a twitter account but never checks it. She can be reached at caper_ in_Toronto@hotmail.com.