Family before fitness

Q: My wife’s very attractive and has a great figure. In fact, she’s obsessed with her body and physical activity.

I love that she’s fit and healthy. But I don’t love that her regimes to stay that way sometimes take precedence over everything else.

I’m the nurturing parent with our two young kids and that’s fine, most of the time. I drive them to school during the week, pick them up from after-care, and take them to weekend activity programs.

But when it’s family time I resent if she skips out to do yet another run or gym class.

Frankly, I get most hurt and disappointed when it’s finally “our time” after the kids have gone to bed and she immediately falls asleep.

How do I convince her to get some balance in her schedule so that I’m included in it? — Frustrated Other Half A: Yes, it’s frustrating for you and unfair too, that the benefits of upbeat endorphins and personal-image rewards have let her convince herself that it’s good for the family, too.

However, without balance, this obsession is no different from a workaholic’s absences based on the belief/excuse that it’s how everyone’s benefitting financially.

A line gets crossed when the positives mostly satisfy only one person and everyone else is left waiting for support, sharing, and partnership.

Tell her you miss her in bed and at family fun times. And that the kids miss her, too.

You appreciate how she looks and feels, but you love her actual presence more.

Suggest some fitness activities the whole family can do together - cross-country skiing, a family fitness class, swimming, etc.

And remind her that sex can be as athletic as you both choose to make it.

TIP OF THE DAY

Frequent absence from family recreation and sexual partnership is unfair, period.