Fam­ily be­fore fit­ness

Cape Breton Post - - IN MEMORIAM/ADVICE/GAMES - El­lie Tesher Read El­lie Mon­day to Satur­day. Email el­lie@thes­tar.ca. Follow @el­liead­vice. Copy­right 2017: El­lie Tesher Dis­trib­uted by: Torstar Syndication Ser­vices

Q: My wife’s very at­trac­tive and has a great fig­ure. In fact, she’s ob­sessed with her body and phys­i­cal ac­tiv­ity.

I love that she’s fit and healthy. But I don’t love that her regimes to stay that way some­times take prece­dence over ev­ery­thing else.

I’m the nur­tur­ing par­ent with our two young kids and that’s fine, most of the time. I drive them to school dur­ing the week, pick them up from af­ter-care, and take them to week­end ac­tiv­ity pro­grams.

But when it’s fam­ily time I re­sent if she skips out to do yet an­other run or gym class.

Frankly, I get most hurt and dis­ap­pointed when it’s fi­nally “our time” af­ter the kids have gone to bed and she im­me­di­ately falls asleep.

How do I con­vince her to get some bal­ance in her sched­ule so that I’m in­cluded in it? — Frus­trated Other Half A: Yes, it’s frus­trat­ing for you and un­fair too, that the ben­e­fits of up­beat en­dor­phins and per­sonal-im­age re­wards have let her con­vince her­self that it’s good for the fam­ily, too.

How­ever, with­out bal­ance, this ob­ses­sion is no dif­fer­ent from a worka­holic’s ab­sences based on the be­lief/ex­cuse that it’s how ev­ery­one’s ben­e­fit­ting fi­nan­cially.

A line gets crossed when the pos­i­tives mostly sat­isfy only one per­son and ev­ery­one else is left wait­ing for sup­port, shar­ing, and part­ner­ship.

Tell her you miss her in bed and at fam­ily fun times. And that the kids miss her, too.

You ap­pre­ci­ate how she looks and feels, but you love her ac­tual pres­ence more.

Sug­gest some fit­ness ac­tiv­i­ties the whole fam­ily can do to­gether - cross-coun­try ski­ing, a fam­ily fit­ness class, swim­ming, etc.

And re­mind her that sex can be as ath­letic as you both choose to make it.

TIP OF THE DAY

Fre­quent ab­sence from fam­ily recre­ation and sex­ual part­ner­ship is un­fair, pe­riod.

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