No more chances for com­pul­sive liar

Cape Breton Post - - Obituaries/Advice/Games - El­lie Tesher Read El­lie Mon­day to Satur­day. Email el­lie@thes­tar.ca. Fol­low @el­liead­vice. Copy­right 2017: El­lie Tesher Dis­trib­uted by: Torstar Syn­di­ca­tion Ser­vices

Q : I’m a di­vorced fa­ther of two, who’s been see­ing a woman who has one child, for two and a half years.

Ev­ery­thing was great be­tween us - true love, plan­ning to move in to­gether, our sex life was amaz­ing.

When we re­turned from a week-long trip in March, I re­ceived a text say­ing she’s had another boyfriend for three years. The guy’s phone num­ber was in­cluded.

I called him and he was in shock that she was two-tim­ing. She’d lied to us both ev­ery day for over two years and told both of us the same b.s. — “love you to death,” “move in to­gether,” etc.

We both called her. She freaked out, de­nied ev­ery­thing, and hung up.

She called me back say­ing she was sorry and wanted to be with me for­ever. An hour later, she calls back and ends it with me be­cause she wants to be with him.

She calls me back later again, this time telling me she wants me and that he forced her to end it with me.

Now, five weeks later, she’s back with him. I cut her off. But she also wants me back. What do I do?

I think she has se­ri­ous men­tal is­sues to lie to both of us for so long. Do I give her a chance, or do you think she’ll hurt me again? — Dev­as­tated

A: Are you se­ri­ous? I can’t start my re­sponse any other way, or my read­ers will lam­baste me (and you, by in­fer­ence) for con­sid­er­ing any mis­placed, wrong-headed, and un­de­served com­pas­sion to­wards her.

She’s a com­mit­ted com­pul­sive liar and yes, she’ll hurt you again - him too - and any­one else (in­clud­ing your kids and hers).

It could take years of treat­ment be­fore a ther­a­pist could help her to be­come hon­est and faith­ful. And it might not last.

Mean­while, the chil­dren and you could never be sure of any­thing she says, does, or feels. That’s scary for you all.

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