Younger wife looking for sexual liberation

Q

: During an evening of clubbing, my gorgeous wife of one year, age 20, was touchy-feely with a young attractive female who danced with us.

I suggested (facetiously) that we should consider a threesome. My wife laughed and said she’d make that happen for my upcoming 47th birthday. Little did I know she was serious!

Now, she’s insisting that it’ll be a “sexually liberating” feeling for her as well.

To compromise, I suggested that the two women can perform a strip show for my birthday, but I’m not interested in any sexual intimacy with a third-party.

My wife disagrees. She wants me to have intercourse with this stranger in her presence!

Despite our age gap, we have great chemistry. I foresee a lifelong blissful relationship with her, including having children in the near future.

I’m opposed to this threesome nonsense. I think the aftermath will severely damage the sacred trust and unbreakable bond that we share.

I believe that these things are best left in fantasyland. But I also don’t want to upset my wife. What should I do?

— In the Middle

A: Your age difference may work day-to-day, but it’s suddenly exposed a clash of values.

She’s focused for now on only one part of you. I’m asking instead, where’s your backbone?

She wants erotic excitement and dismisses your concerns for marital trust and bonding. You’re dreaming of babies, she’s nowhere near anticipating that stage.

If refusing to have sex with another woman actually would “hurt” your wife, you’ve got a bigger problem than this one decision presents.

She doesn’t really know you (which is why your “facetious” joke was taken too seriously).

Tell her this sex show isn’t going to happen, not with you.

State your boundaries for yourself, and what you can’t accept in your wife either.

This birthday “gift” isn’t meant just for you, it’s for her sexual “liberation.” Time to ask whatever that means to her.

Q

: I’m 31, female, and never had a boyfriend. I’ve gone on “dates,” but nothing’s been meaningful.

I’ve concluded that I’m simply unlikeable. Guys place huge emphasis on physical appearance, so aren’t interested in me.

I’m really tall and a bit overweight. But I go to the gym and dress to look as pretty as possible.

I’ve been on numerous online dating sites (paid and unpaid), but had no positive experiences.

Men who appear nice online can be cruel in person. I’ve been told I’m “too tall” or “not thin enough.”

I’m a nice person, caring, and nurturing. Those who give me a “chance” are out only for sex. I’m the girl men will sleep with but not date.

Whatever confidence I had has been crushed by the men I’ve met. My biggest fear is that I’ll be alone and unhappy forever.

— So Discouraged

A: Get outside your head and its loop of blaming yourself.

Dating sites attract a lot of superficial jerks, among both men and women. The success stories are far outnumbered by those who don’t find a match.

Yet some people still have dates and fun times, largely because they believe they will.

They use their humour, their positive attitude, a willingness to meet new people, and also to walk away without self-defeat if it doesn’t work out.

Boost your own best qualities, including your height. Get fit and wear your healthy figure with pride.

If you can’t get past this negative self-image, get to counselling to discover what’s blocking you.

Q

: My best friend of five years and I are super close. Since we’ve gotten older (2021), we’ve been noticing how great we’d be as a couple.

Lately he’s been confessing his feelings to me, but only when he’s drunk. He recently cried in front of my friends because I “don’t love him” back.

I’ve been on-and-off dating people and he’s hooking up with girls a lot, so I didn’t think he felt that strongly.

People say “drunk words speak sober thoughts” but I feel if he really felt it, he’d tell me.

We’ve been going on datelike activities and he commented that I’m giving him mixed signals.

Should I lay everything on the table or leave it alone? I don’t want to wait too long and then never get the timing right. — Uncertain

A: If you want to turn this into a relationship, one of you has to be clear. He’s tried, albeit weakly. It’s your turn now.

TIP OF THE DAY: If a couple has opposing values regarding sexual behaviour, they need to agree on boundaries or there’s trouble ahead.