Don’t obsess on a past love if you’re staying married

Q

: I was in love ten years ago.

Then, my guy went overseas to work and we weren’t in contact until he returned for Christmas and we hooked up again.

By then, I was engaged to someone else who’s nice and understanding, but still in love with my ex. We hadn’t even broken up or discussed anything about our relationship.

I got married and moved overseas and discovered that my husband worked with my ex in the same department.

He keeps messaging me, saying he still remembers what I wore the first day we met, and even our first date and our song.

We almost hooked up when my husband was away, but I couldn’t go through with it.

I went home for Christmas. He phoned to meet up, but I was away visiting relatives.

He got married last year, but when he came back he still sent me texts.

When I saw him, I was flooded with love for him. I don’t want to feel this way.

I just want to be happy and when I see him I don’t want to have this mixed emotion. — Confused

A: It feels like an unfinished affair, but it’s ten years in the past. What you have now is yearning related to memories.

You could both leave and devastate your partners, upset any children involved, have a wild rideÖ but if you dislike mixed emotions now, the consequences can become far more troubling later.

Try putting this old romance behind you. You did break up, by getting married to someone else, and eventually so did he.

Yet you don’t mention feelings for your husband or your family life with him.

So, ONLY IF your marriage is unhappy: Have one more contact with your ex to learn whether he’s prepared to share a future with you, not just an affair. Be certain, not confused.