Sexual differences worth working on

Q : I love my wife and always enjoy sex, but it was my biggest problem in our marriage.

She’s 65, I’m 75, working 20 to 35 hours a week.

Even when my wife was in her 30s, we had sex once a month. She’s still sexually appealing to me. Later in our life, sex completely disappeared.

When I confronted her or talked about it, she said that sex isn’t important to her, but I can find a sex therapist and make all the arrangements and she’ll come along.

I’ve consoled myself with porn, which of course isn’t the same. I’m frustrated. I thought it was our problem, not mine.

Is she right? Shall I find a sex therapist or talk to my doctor who’s a young lady in her 20s? — Still Frustrated at 75

A: It’s never too late to seek a better understanding of a longterm difference between you and your wife.

You’ve stayed together, which means that the love and companionship between you was/ are the binding factors.

Since your wife opened the door to investigating further, it’s somewhat surprising that you haven’t done so in the past.

A specialist in sexual therapy may be able to illuminate whatcaused your wife’s disinterest in sex - whether it was low libido, or physical discomfort, or some other reason related to her upbringing, etc. She may or may not still be willing to explore this.

You can both still have sexual relations at your ages, if health reasons don’t interfere. You can certainly still experience sexual intimacy of stroking, and pleasuring.

So why not explore your potential with a sex therapist’s advice? And if either of you feel you should check it out with your doctor, do so.