Navigating a new start

Q

: I’m 37, my boyfriend’s 47. We’re in love, together for a year, and want to live together.

I rent a small city-based apartment. He owns a suburban house. He’s generous, supportive, financially secure (and doesn’t mind that he earns three times my salary).

He was in a ten-year common-law relationship before me. When he ended it, he gave her, among other things, half the value of the house and she moved out.

I don’t want to live there. I don’t drive. The commute would be a nightmare.

Also, I don’t want to live in the home he shared with his ex.

I’d like him to sell and we live together somewhere else. What do I do?

— House with History

A: So long as you’re respectful of his feelings about the house, too, starting fresh together elsewhere shouldn’t be an impossible discussion.

Remember that he’s limited to moving to somewhere where he can afford to pay the major share.

That may affect his feelings about location generally, the suburbs are cheaper than the city.

So say what matters most: You want your own place together reflecting your new love, and your joined lifestyle.

Then state practical considerations – e.g. a long commute would affect your time together. Also, between the two of you, renting a larger city apartment is affordable, or maybe he can buy one and your contribution helps toward the mortgage.

TIP OF THE DAY Moving in together may warrant a new setting, but needs a practical approach besides a fresh start.