Dating game requires honesty and care

Q

:I’m getting back into the dating game after a long period of frustration and loss.

I’m open to either fun, romantic friendships, or a potential serious relationship - but only with people who are single.

I’m a busy person and want to maximize my time with friends and potential partners.

How soon should I be open about my personal circumstances? I don’t want to scare anyone off, but want to avoid misunderstandings.

I am also conscious of maintaining personal safety. — Planning Ahead

A: You’ve already learned some hard lessons in what you call the dating game.

Here’s a reminder about other dating realities: There’s no strategy that you can devise that will assure you of all the factors you mention.

Basically, you don’t want your renewed dating life to actually be a “game.”

So, openness on your part is important. Be aware that the other person needs to open up too, or you can fool yourself into thinking everything is fine just because he/she nods at the right time or says, “I agree.”

Also, there has to be some mutual exchange about “personal circumstances” early on.

These include whether truly “single,” or separated and still connected to an ex, level of involvement with children, number of past serious relationships, living alone or with family, roommates, etc.

Such details are the ones that can come back and bite you if either you or someone you’re dating is withholding them.

On safety issues: Be alert to any red flags, don’t go alone to a new date’s place, trust your instinct if something doesn’t feel right.