Dealing with death-denying world
Denying grief can have repercussions, says Sydney clergyman
According to Father Bill Burke, we live in a death-denying world.
But, eventually, it does catch up to you. “You’ll have someone experience a terrific loss and thank God for unions that they put in that you get three or five days bereavement but then you’re expected to go back to work as if nothing’s happened,” says Burke. “So you have people a year later and you’ll hear things like ’she should be over it by now.’ Well, it’s not like a flu.
“Your life has changed.”
Burke is the priest at St. Marguerite Bourgeoys Parish in Sydney. Each year, his parish alone has about 80 funerals with each one affecting a lot of people. Yet, today’s society expects people to have their grieving completed in a few days and then carry on as if nothing happened and even commends those who don’t express their emotions freely, as if that were a good thing.
To help people cope with what is usually the worst experience of their life, Burke and his parish will be holding a two-day presentation and workshop session on grief and bereavement at the Grand Lake Road Fire Hall on Friday, April 20, 7-9 p.m. and Saturday, April 21, 9-4 p.m.
“We thought it was a good idea to bring as many together as possible for one weekend of reflection on this so we as a parish decided to offer this to the community,” said Burke. “In one sense we have a society that hides from death or denies it or avoids it and people used to die at home. They rarely do that now. So it’s become an experience that becomes separated from the rest of life.”
The sessions will feature Magdalene O’Rourke who has worked with people involved in loss and bereavement through the University of Toronto, Sister Franklyn Ferguson, who is a social worker, and Dr. Ann Francis D’Intino, who works in palliative care. Burke says the workshops should provide guidance to those experiencing grief.
“Our experience has been in the past with close families in small neighbourhoods. There were always natural support systems but we’re finding more and more that people are kind of left on their own now,” said Burke. “In our society today, people are kind of isolated with this so we thought we should do this.”
Organizers have been working on the event since before Christmas and had hoped to have it before Easter but they had to reschedule it for now.
“So we thought we would have this weekend. If anything, what we hope to achieve this weekend is to normalize the feelings of grief and loss so that it’s not seen as something you get over and get on with your life.
“The normal experience is bereavement. And that used to be the case with communities and families who experienced it together.”
The sessions are open to everyone and are free to attend.
“Anybody can show up — it’s wide-open to the whole community,” said Burke. “Our parish decided we would offer this as a gift to the community. And anybody, whether you’re experiencing grief or you work with people in grief — anyone can show up. There’s no registration required. Just feel free to join us.”