‘Liberal, exciting’ marriage doesn’t include control

Q

: I’ve been married for under a year. My beautiful wife and I met through our close-knit families - an “arranged marriage” of sorts.

We share the same religion. Our families strictly adhere to social conservative values.

However, being a social liberal myself, I needed excitement, love, attraction, and romance in my marriage.

For my own selfish and selfserving reasons, I persuaded my wife to ditch her traditional religious garb.

Initially reluctant, she eventually agreed. I hadn’t used threat or duress.

She hired a professional image consultant, and transformed herself into a fashionista: She got her hair done, she had her bellybutton pierced, she started sporting skinny jeans, mini-skirts, sun dresses, etc.

I was thrilled and felt that her new image raised her confidence level hugely.

However, she’s garnered plenty of attention - mostly from hordes of random men (on social media and at public settings).

Sometimes, when with her, I feel like a persona non grata. When at the beach, she elicited many compliments on her bikini body. But many of these hunky men hitting on her thought I was her brother. I’m very upset and experiencing a case of buyer’s remorse. I fear that she’ll be enticed to cheat on me, or may even leave me for a handsome dude.

I realize that I cannot “put the genie back in the bottle.”

But can you suggest any crafty ways that I can navigate this awkward situation I’m experiencing?

— Upset at Wife’s Attractiveness

A: You’ve already used a “crafty” move, and it’s not gone as you wished.

The problem here isn’t how attractive she is, but how selfserving (which you admit) and controlling you keep trying to be.

You wanted a liberal, exciting and loving marriage. But you mention nothing about love for your bride, and only see her newfound confidence as a threat to you.

Get to know her as a person. Be proud of her beauty as a loving partner, whether at the beach or at home. Develop your own confidence that you two can have an equal and happy marriage, with respect and encouragement for each of you as individuals.