Be careful with first meeting of stranger

Q : I matched with a lovely guy on a dating app while he was on a layover at my city’s airport. We’ve been talking for weeks.

I’ll be in the United States for work and he’s planning to pick me up and drive me to his home state for the weekend.

I believe this could be something special, but I’m apprehensive. I’ve never met him or seen his face.

Should I take the chance? — Possibly Special

A: No!

His plan puts you in a position of total reliance on a person who’s still a stranger to you - unseen, and with the place he’s taking you to, unknown.

You obviously love the idea of a romance developing and feel you can take care of yourself.

But he’s a stranger until you know much more.

If you’re still eager to meet him after thinking about why he hasn’t used face-time or explained more details about himself and his plans, then set the place and limits of this first meeting yourself.

Example: He can visit you in the city where you’re working, book his own hotel room and spend the weekend talking, dining, sightseeing and getting to know each other.

If he still seems “special,” invite him back to your city or visit him in his.

Don’t let the fantasy of romance mask the very real prospect of awkward disappointment, and possibly far worse discomfort.

Q : I’m 55, married to a woman, 38, for five years. I married her in Guyana and sponsored her and her two children.

Our issues began in 2013 when my daughter, 24 (from a previous marriage), heard rumours that my wife married me for money.

Also, she learned that we’d married last-minute, on the spot.

She was devastated that I didn’t get to tell her in person.

Though I told her this wasn’t a marriage of money, our relationship is still affected by her not hearing about it from me.

We used to spend a lot of time together. Now, I hardly see her.

She hasn’t yet come to see my wife due to the pain she feels about how she learned I was married.

My wife believes my daughter still thinks she married me for money, and that she doesn’t like her. She’s upset that I haven’t stood up for her, though I did.

She also gets upset if my exwife texts or calls me (rarely, and only concerning my daughter, or on my birthday).

My wife believes I allow my ex to come between us. And that something’s going on with us, even though I’m home all the time.

I love my wife dearly, but I’m being accused for things I’m not doing.

— Marriage Issues

A: It’s precisely what you’re not doing that’s keeping your marital issues present.

You’re not telling your daughter that while you deeply apologize again for not telling her personally, that was five years ago.

Her punishment of you through your wife is unfair to everyone, including the relationship you could have with her as family.

You need to stand up for your wife much more visibly.

Tell your ex, within your wife’s hearing, that your daughter’s behaviour is unkind and immature. She’d benefit from counselling which both her parents should encourage.

Meanwhile, your wife is in a new country with a husband she finds more comfortable defending his daughter and exwife, than her.

You’re responsible for bringing her and her children here, out of love for her. Show it by more than just staying home.

FEEDBACK: Regarding the grandmother’s concern for her bed-wetting grandson (June 27):

Reader #1 – “This poor boy needs to get to the doctor immediately! He needs help and caring.

“His mother fears that a diagnosis will traumatize him? What does she think wearing adult diapers to bed is doing to him?

“I’m sure that learning a valid medical reason for what’s happening to him nightly would be a relief, and that working towards a solution would help build his confidence.

“Denied having sleepovers, changing wet sheets daily, AND wearing a diaper to bed, THAT’S trauma.”

Reader #2 – “Two of my daughters wet their beds well into grade school. When I stopped feeding them all dairy products, the bed-wetting stopped in 48 hours.”

Ellie - A medical check-up is a wise start to probing the matter. Kids want to feel normal, not hiding a secret that could shame them.

Readers: All proven remedies will be published.

TIP OF THE DAY

Joining a stranger for an unknown destination creates a setup for high risk.