Palliative care stay leaves ‘comfortable memories’

A few thoughts regarding a twoweek stay with my wife Marion (Jardine) Andrews - a mother and grandmother - in the An Cala Unit Paliative Care at the Cape Breton Regional Hospital this past August.

Care and surroundings are excellent. Doctors, nurses, housekeepers and volunteers give 100 per cent to the patients and families. The atmosphere is as cherry as one could hope for during such trying days while watching a loved one slip away.

The comfort and pain-free goals of the unit for the patient are always at the forefront. Staff make up a very comfortable bed for a family member to spend the night. Staff know when to pop in for a few minutes of conversation and when to leave us alone with our thoughts.

The shared and well-equipped kitchen offers a short respite to snack or eat full meals, to munch on the volunteers fresh-baked cookies, pastry, rolls, fudge and other creations. The small private sitting rooms and the library are quiet places to meet with family or doctors to review the status of your loved one. Perhaps to just be alone for a few moments.

One gets to meet other families in similar circumstances and a very short-lived bond and/or friendship develops as we shared stories, food, laughs and tears. Then, after a few hours or days, you see them leave to make final arrangements for their loved one and within a short period a new family takes up residence.

In some ways it is an awkward position but as the hours of waiting, hoping for a miracle or perhaps a peaceful passing, turn into days, the awkward becomes a strange sort of natural. It was, for me, a terrible dilemma. Do I wish and hope for more time? Is that selfish? Or do I hope that she passes and becomes free of the vicious disease that she could never recover from? Self-doubt creeps in and you question whether there is one more thing you could have done. Was there something you missed? Do you have regrets that may haunt you?

Death is a natural path for all beings. “No one gets out alive,” goes an old saying. Some are fortunate and stay longer than others. Some leave early and miss so much and we miss them so very much.

Life is really only experiences and memories so make some great memories while you can.

An Cala leaves this family with comfortable memories at perhaps our saddest and most trying time. Thank you and take care. Also, thanks to family and friends who visited regularly and gave Marion a few good moments of memories during those days. Frank Andrews Westmount