Defusing battles over the clicker
As the source of numerous marital skirmishes and intrafamily feuds, the battle for control of the remote is an undeniable irritant in many homes. But for all that, little has been written about the etiquette of using the clicker, said Peter Post, the great-grandson of Emily Post and author of Essential Manners for Men.
“It’s a very big issue,” he said. “Probably the biggest one in the living room.”
Men, in particular, are prone to tormenting their loved ones in front of the television. Post and other etiquette experts identified several types of male offenders (the speed clicker, the flip-flopper, the R-rated ogler) and solutions, most of which involve elements common to any marriage: communication, compromise and, occasionally, the possibility of loss.
“Once in a while, what’s really worth doing is turning and saying, ‘Why don’t you take the remote?’ ” he said. “But you do risk the person saying, ‘Oh, thanks’ and actually taking it.”
Winning, however, doesn’t mean you get to gloat. Being the keeper of the remote is a bit like carrying the picnic basket: it’s a position of honour and responsibility, but it doesn’t give you permission to eat all the devilled eggs,” said Alex J. Packer, author of How Rude! The Teenager’s Guide to Good Manners.
A 2004 list compiled by the BBC, which, being British, is very pro-etiquette, offered 10 rules for using the remote, including no hiding the device, an old trick for those who need a trip to the bathroom but are unwilling to cede control. It also suggested that if someone in the room is actually on TV — “a performer, politician, quizshow contestant or felon” — he should be allowed to watch himself.
Post also advised making a Zen-like mental adjustment: using the remote as a tool to travel to a channel, rather than as a tool to find one.
“Decide together what to watch,” he said. “And then use the remote to go there.”